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Diary From the Attic

Letter to Cynthia: First week in Mauritius

Driving in Mauritius could be quite tiring.  Chaos everywhere – cars park by the side of the road forcing you to go over to the opposite lane, cyclists or motorcyclists doing just too slow on the road, group of human beings walking along the road, dogs suddenly dashing across the road, small kitten (must be a baby one) crawling across the road when I first left the hotel and probably the same kitten crawled back to where it came from when I returned, chicken crossing the road when I left the hotel and probably another chicken crossing the road when I was back, drunk motorcyclist fell off his bike only to get himself overran by another motorcyclist with a passenger and our van driver nearly ran over these three poor fellows lying on the ground in the dark, people doing weird things on the road with absolutely zero courtesy and anticipation is definitely not any of these Mauritian drivers’ department.  You can tell by the amount of shattered glass inside the roundabout.

Gods know why we have chosen to station in the north when the client site is somewhere near the south.  Every day we spend 70 minutes going to work and another 50 minutes back.  And because taxi is so unaffordable – imagine I paid about S$28 for a 20 minutes drive – we have to wait for one another to get into the vans or cars.  You don’t even have the flexibility to go home early or on time.  At times, I am glad that I do not have a car during weekdays; I have more excuse to get into the 6.30pm van.  As you can see, I am forced to work 9 hours a day, whether I like it or not.  Not to forget to mention that the journey is so bumpy and it virtually zaps your energy away.

The hotel is very isolated from any nearby civilization.  The only thing you can do is to stare at the beach full of corals that guarantee to bleed your feet should you wish to walk along the beach barefooted.  The best thing about staying here is that during weekend, if you manage to be in around 5.30pm, you will be able to observe the most magnificent sunset as the resort is by the coastline facing west.  Besides the obvious benefit of staying in a hotel, which is having someone cleanup your place once a day plus changing your towels at night, I can think of none.  There is a gym I have not get to use it yet and you could have a good run around the resort that I am going to do it one of these days.

I take it as you will be interested in whom my colleagues are, let me introduce them to you one by one.  I was actually on the same flight with 2 girls from KL transiting in Singapore.  I did not know until I touched down.  Chin Yee is a newly promoted manager and we were in the same eProcess training back in 2 years ago.  She was so surprised that I got married and I was so surprised that she got married too.  She married an Accenturian while I married an ex-Acian.

David Black from the US office joined the project the same time as me.  He is a Catholic coming from the Eastern Church.  David’s age could as well be qualified as my dad.  Barbara, from the Manila office, also is a Catholic.  She is someone in her late thirties whom looks like someone in her early thirties.  Worked in the firm for 14 years so you could roughly work out her age.  I have to admit that Barbara has a very friendly attitude.  Anyway, three of us attained the English mass at 10am and it is interesting to exchange beliefs and opinions with David talking about Eastern and Western churches.  David is doing IT security while Barbara is in the PMO doing marketing.

Helen is originally from Australia and is now based in Thailand.  Just joined the firm for a year or so and have been working with the government doing some very interesting stuffs that required her to travel to places that I have never ever heard of (somewhere in central Asia).  She got her university degree in the year of 1972 – the same year I was born.  In this project, she is responsible in the organization piece of work working with John Antony whom is at the organization PMO level.

John is a Singaporean Indian married to a Chinese with two kids.  Though I have heard a few unpleasant things about John, at a personal level, he is a respectable individual (whatever it means).  He was the one who took me out for a trip last Sunday with her family and the family of our van driver.  John is a Catholic too and he was the one who took me to this Catholic Church in Grande Baie.

Of course we have Meng Kiong whom I have worked with in the OCBC day.  He is a manager from KL with a very serious look and feel during work.  His wife, Catherine, follows him and works as a project EA.  Catherine loves to eat and that explains her size.  Someone whom I can talk to and who knows, maybe having a good relationship with the project EA may get myself better treated along the way.

And Michel Borst whom I am sure you know and need no further introduction except that he is the program director and his wife Tina has moved to Mauritius because of his job.

On the other side of the spectrum, we have Cin Dee who always sticks around with Kelvin, a Singapore manager, and Jon Song, a Singapore consultant because they have managed to monopolize a car just for their own use.  Rumors say that she is going out with Jon.  The guy does not seem to deny while Cin Dee herself of course deny.  Due to shyness I guess.  This trio was branded as the “Radisson Gang” partly because they seldom come out of their circle and mangle with the rest.

Another gang is perhaps what I call the “Van Gang”.  We have Gary, a new promote (Consultant) from Singapore who has a rather unique taste in music, Rabin, an Indian Consultant from KL who has a rather arrogant attitude.  Reminds me of our good friend Sreepathy.  Actually Rabin is quite a nice guy.  I would say that girl may find him attractive and he does have a very good body as he exercises often.  Rabin is working under David Black doing IT security.  Sharon kind of fit into this gang as she really has nowhere else to go.

Another group of people stay in Sunset Boulevard.  A very nice place in Grande Baie with shops all around.  Ron Lim, a Singapore consultant who has brought his family into Mauritius.  That guy may as well be my age but he is married with a 3 years old boy.  Amazing.   Bee Leng, a Singapore strategy consultant, has a very approachable attitude and a fun person to be with.  Jamie, a Singapore analyst (I presume), lived together with Bee Leng and she really have this very cold look.  Sometimes really don’t know what she is thinking of.  Anyway, the story I owed you is that in a couple of days’ time, it is Jamie’s birthday.  Therefore, people wish to celebrate her birthday today at her place.  The van gang decided to visit her at about 9pm.  At first I wanted to go but the diner with David and Helen lasted too long and hence I have decided against me.  Sharon just called me to tell me that the birthday party ended a lot earlier than they thought and no one was able to SMS me in advance as they did not bring along their mobile phone.  Trivial.

And we have Jack whom I have met in Bangkok office.  He could be a new consultant and is working in the application architecture team.  Jack will be rolling of end July and he is so happy about it.  Good for him.  People always tease Jack and Bee Leng as they are always together.  Well, I do see an age gap between them (with the girl who is the older one) but I guess it does not quite matter in this new world.  Yung Jin is from the Singapore office, a consultant who I have worked with back in OCBC.  The guy who has invited us to his wedding party that if we were to attain, we would have had the chance to see the Singapore PM.  He just got married, a case like me, like Chin Yee.  Yung Jin and Jack stayed together just next to Jamie and Bee Leng.  It occurs to me that they spent a lot of time cooking together at night.

Mei Lin is someone I have worked with in the OCBC days doing the organization piece.  In this project, she, as the manager, heads the CRM team having Jamie, Ron, Jon and Sharon working under her.  Another Malaysian from the KL office.  By the way, Kelvin is the one who heads the CT (credit transformation) team having Gary, Cin Dee and Yung Jin as his team members.

Well, that are all the people I know of.  Though we have some others short term personnel but let’s not confuse ourselves now.  I am sure there will be more stories coming from the characters that I have described.  Hopefully, you will be able to relate to later on.

The Baby Face album is a lot better than the TLC album.  However, both are good albums.

Baby, I miss you a lot and really want to go home.  As I have difficulties in maintaining my eyes opened, I better finish up fast before I collapse with my two wonder pillows.  Let us pray that I will be with you very soon.  Can’t put up with this place no more and seriously speaking, if you are to come and visit, I am sure you will feel bored when I go to work.

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From the Attic My Favorite

Forewords to My Paris Collection

There are times when we are flooded with emotions, caused by the sudden drop and rise of circumstances. When experience is all so allien to us, what do we arm with to defense ourselves? At times, I have this urge of surrender. Surrender to the masterplan, surrender to the marching of time and surrender to all the verdicts that laid against me.

And the beauty of going through this experience is what we get out of. There is only one way to convert this enormous energy that doesn’t come very often in one’s life.

It is Paris that has provided me with the kind of ambient I needed during that special period of my life. All the pieces are written in the order as appears (except the last one) and it is a perfect diary of mine. Except that it is a lot more subtle in a sense.

Just a side note that “Death Marriage” was written before I composed “The Love Album”. For those of you who prefer something light, simply read the poems within the “Love Album”. For those of you who are interested in the history and setting of the “Love Album”, you could refer to the “Death Marriage” in the appendix.

  1. Spanish Dance
  2. Fire of Love
  3. Love Mythology
  4. Strip
  5. Coming out of Water (Prelude to Love Album)
  6. Death Marriage – Alternative Lyrics
  7. Name That Shall Be Spoken – Name That Shan’t Be Spoken
  8. Passion
  9. Appendix : Death Marriage
  10. Footnotes
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Diary From the Attic

I Played Pharaoh Till 3

Last night I played Pharaoh till 3am. What an additive game!

This morning woke up … truncated diary

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Diary From the Attic

I Begin to Understand

I may be rolling onto OUB!  What a nice surprise after so many days of dark cloud over me.  William called me this morning during his health check up.  Marcus had a very short conversation with me and I told him that he is always so busy and does not have the time to talk with me.  He took it quite seriously with a hint of disappointment.  Anyway, my relationship to him is properly like Victor Leung or Kenneth Keh’s relationship with me.

Now I begin to understand, I begin to learn.

Night time met up with mother-in-law and Eric and had a nice restaurant in Crystal Jade Kitchen.  Quite expensive in contrast to what Choong Yong said.

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Uncategorized

Family Event

Tonight we had a wonderful dinner in Cynthia’s aunt’s place.  A lot of tasty food and got a chance to meet up with her relatives.  It has been quite a while since I have experienced any family event like this.

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Diary From the Attic

Terrible Day at Work

Today was a very terrible day.  They can’t sell the middleware arrangement letter.  Meng Kiong is going into the architecture team as one of the core team member and I will be rolled off.  Marcus told me that it should be a good news to me as the role is just not there for me.

Sometimes I can be so tough staying on for such a while.  Such a long while …

Not sure if I am happy to go.  I guess one side of me is happy while the other side of me feels sad with a sense of failure.

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Diary From the Attic

I Felt So Sleepy

Today, I felt so sleepy.  Must be last night I stayed up quite late reading “Wifey”.  Cynthia was not at home last night, hence no incentive to sleep early.  Well, not quite true tough.  Ever since I picked up reading novel, I have been staying up late.  Not so healthy.

I was so sleepy that everything I did does not seem to make sense.

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From the Attic Memorable Events

The Day of ROM

Cynthia and I got married today!

The morning part of the day was sunny.  My Mercedes finally came up, thought it was 10 minutes late.  That makes me wonder all the puzzles of life.  If it was not late, I wouldn’t have remembered that I have forgotten to bring the white slip and not sure what the consequences will be.  Must be the biorhythm of today is not that fantastic for me, I have forgotten to bring the pen but then again, it was not needed.  They have a pair of pens for us to sign.

What meant to be a simple ROM turned out to be quite a simple ROM.  I did not bring flowers and we did not exchange ring.  We had a nice lunch at Crystal Jade and that was all.  Some moments I wonder how it would have been if I have my parents’ blessing and they actually turn up.  Then, I could have invited all my friends and have it on a Saturday instead.

I guess the message to me is that I shall seek my parents’ approval on our actual wedding day.

Besides all these, we are legally as husband and wife. The vow is still ringing in my head.

I feel so peaceful.

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Diary From the Attic

The Eve of ROM

Cynthia and I will be registering for marriage tomorrow!  The first major event of year 2000.

Today is perhaps one of the most productive day in year 2000 (so far).  Although I started the day late, I managed to get out of the bed when Cynthia called me this morning.  She is now staying with her mum, brother and aunt elsewhere leaving me all by myself.  Actually, I do welcome such a different, especially one day before my marriage.  Got to have some space for myself and thanks to the pouring rain, which wet my hush puppy with half-a-feet flood, that ruled out any possibility that we met.

Due to the lack of motivation of doing any housecleaning, I did not start doing serious work till early afternoon.  Now, I see the reason why it takes two to clean up the place, clean up the dishes, do laundry and got to NTUC and do marketing.

After all the hard work, I started clearing the trapped memories inside the storeroom.  Face it, tomorrow is my wedding and it just does not look right to have all my ex’s letters and photo somewhere in the house.

So I spent the rest of the day (and night) to throw away things that either meant a lot or nothing to me.  All torn into eight pieces.  Amazing to see what went into the pipe.  Even an old notebook!

1999’s new year resolution was “balance”.  1998’s new year resolution was “Zen”.  1997’s new year resolution was “proactive”.  Yet to think of this new year’s resolution.

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From the Attic Reflection

Looking Back 1998

Year 1998 has been a very interesting year for me.  These are the events which were pretty significant in my ordinary life.

  1. I have spent the new year day alone.  Well not exactly.  My driver of that time, Edi, took me to Pelabunhan Ratu, South of Java.
  2. My second love affair had gone to drain some time in Jan/Feb.  Exact moment has been long forgotten.  Who wants to remember that date anyway?
  3. Ever since then, I spent a lot of time with Robert, cooking and playing golf together.
  4. Riot was brewing in the heart of Jakarta.  Been there, seen the army and luckily, got off the project before the so-called massacre.
  5. Promoted to be a consultant on the 1st of March.
  6. Happy moment is of course, the system went live at the beginning of March.
  7. Rolled off from Jakarta in the middle of March and stayed put in KO’s place.
  8. Got into the new VTF project immediately and started working in the prototyping team.
  9. My mother visited me some time in March and got her a long term social visit pass.
  10. Relocated to KL AC office in the middle of April.
  11. Converted to be a Singaporean and the ceremony was at the beginning of August.
  12. Started out with Cynthia on August 15 with the sunset of Malacca.  From then on, we have traveled a lot and have been to Penang, Cameron Highlands and Singapore many times.
  13. Quite smoking and have been to the church from time to time.
  14. Cynthia’s mum came over during Christmas and we went to Singapore to visit her relatives.
  15. Cynthia with me during the New Year Eve.

Of course, out of 365 days a year, we do have some cool events in which we opt not to forget.  Then again, each little events marks the end of one period and the beginning of a new period.  Why not take this opportunity to examine each period closely?

Period of Loneliness and Sadness
(Jan to March)

In fact, this period of loneliness has lasted for a very long time and casually speaking, it was till August.  But to follow the flow of the history, let us just be contented and say that this period ended when I left Jakarta.

Being involved in a meaningless relationship was properly one of the silliest thing I have ever done to my life.  But then again, when I looked back, if not for this total disaster, I would not have learnt so much and treasure my current love relationship so much.

My 2nd love partner delivered several of the most painful feeling to me and I received the blow defenselessly.  There was no counter reaction there and I was in a total losing ground.  Because I gave everything when I am in love.  One of which was like: I am going to stay with another guy this weekend and he is coming to fetch me, anything to say before I leave tonight?

All dignity, all hopes and all “self” – shattered.

Then underwent those bitter moments of moving out and back to my old apartment.  The very first apartment I stayed with Shamsul, and later on, Mark.

Not to say I have lost everything during that period of time.  I composed some very good pieces of music.  I was pretty close to Robert whom is someone I respect and glad to know as a friend.  I picked up golf and had a lot of good food.  I learn some very good lessons for I am closer to know what I really want from a love relationship.

Still remember those moments when I roller-blade with Robert within the Tennis Court of Mitra Oasis while I was listening to Metallica (Reload).  And all those electronic goods shopping.

But all these are just part of my journey of life.  It is supposed to make me stronger.

Period of Career Development and Reorganization of Personal Life
(March to August)

After that traumatic experience in Jakarta, a change of environment is always welcome.  And there I was, back in Singapore.  And somehow, I see things a little bit differently.  Seems to me that the future was something which I could not even touch.

And then, my journey of life has arrived at a “roundabout”.  I was thinking of (a) take all my saving and pursue my PHD study in UK, (b) forgo my Singapore PR status and return to HK together with all the CPF contributions; or (c) continue to head for the uncertainty.

Just branch off from here, sometime symbolic happened here.  I was talking about my so-called choices with Annie on the phone just in front of Borders and somehow, Cynthia, totally unexpectedly, appeared right in front of me.

Anyway, back to my “roundabout”, I have decided to continue heading to the uncertainty.  As far as my career is concerned, it has gone pretty OK.  I have been promoted to the consultant level and have some sort of decent role in the new project.

And because of this project, I have made a lot of new friends and met a couple of old friends.  Surprisingly, when I met my ex, I can simply treat her as a new stranger with no attachment to the history.  I guess, I can safely say that I have totally got over her (and ready for a new beginning?)

And not to forget to mention that one of the most significant event in the Year 1998 is my becoming of a Singaporean.  At that very moment before I took up the citizenship, I felt as though it was like a marriage decision.  Equal importance I would suppose.  It is because it is where my base is, my family and my generations.

But I made that decision – just like that!

Again, something gain, something lost.  In this period of time, I tried so hard to glue my own family together and even tried so hard to work on this personal aspect.  Well, I was event to the idea of having some sort of family holiday once a year.  Just the family together go somewhere and have a relaxing time, catching up with each other. But it never work out so far.  Year 1999 perhaps?

Period of Love
(August to Now)

In order for Cynthia to be in KL, she has to come with VTF experience.  In order for her to come with that experience, she has to work in BUN with the VTF team.  And for that, she needs to join AC Jakarta.  And to join AC, she needs a decent degree in a decent university like Bandung.  So on and so on.

In order for me to be in KL, I too have to come with VTF experience.  In order for me to know Cynthia beforehand, I have to be in the BUN project.  And at that time, I had quite a number of choices but I somehow chose to be in Indonesia for I wanted to know the culture there.  And I was in Paris. For me to be in Paris, I must join AC Singapore.  And that, I need to be brought into Singapore to start with, thanks to my ex-lover back in the university.  And to meet her, I need to study in Oxford, UK.  And to make it there, no way I could have done it from HK and therefore, thanks to the scholarship which enabled me to study the A-Level in UK.

And one last comment to this what I called as “divine plan” is that if I were to start out with Cynthia back in Jakarta, I do not think that we would have worked out.  Simply because I was not ready for any relationship then as I was still trying very hard to get over my ex-lover back in Singapore.  Hence, my ex-love back in Jakarta came into the picture.

Ever since I went out with Cynthia, I am in so much joy.  We travelled many places.  We share similar hobbies, like reading and music.  She makes me feel so much like a man and I make her feel so much like a woman.  We talked about marriage. We make plan to visit our parents together.  I quite smoking and often, I go to the Catholic Church.

So, there is indeed something like: Made for each other?

Vision
(Now to Dec 99)

The word of the year will be “balance”.

To seek a balance between career and love, a balance between individual life and a life with my family; and a balance between luxury and necessity.

This year, I really wish that my wishes which have been accumulated for years will slowly come true and I am ready to fight for it.

  • Set up the root in Singapore
  • Have a fruitful relationship

May God be with me and everyone of my brothers and sisters too.