Categories
I See I Write

Dia Frampton Was In Hard Rock Cafe Singapore

Dia in Singapore!

And we were there, thanks to our Google+ buddy Kevin‘s friendly alert.  Kevin all the way in US heard about the concert.  We in Singapore didn’t.  Recently, Cynthia and I have started watching The Voice.  We love how this singing competition invites semi-pros to participate.  Since we have missed the first two seasons, together with our buddy TK, three of us put our heads together day-and-night analyzing Dia Frampton’s music album in depth, trying to see if the S$25 ticket price (and S$10 booking fee!) was worth it.  We love her music.  I love her sultry voice.  It was three yes’es.

Hard Rock Cafe Singapore – the one in town – is a rather small venue.  But it has a great atmosphere.  There is a small stage and behind the stage, three large Gothic multicolored glass panels immortalizing Elvis the King in the middle, a dude on a piano singing Great Ball of Fire on the right, and on the left, a legendary guitarist whose name I am unable to  pinpoint.  He could well be the Boss.

In front of the stage is a rather large dancing area.  Much larger than the one in Hong Kong.  But here lies the challenge of seeing the artist if you are standing a few rows from the front.  We reached the venue at 6.45 pm and there was a queue forming.  Hardcore fans were determined to get to the front row.  TK, Cynthia, and I were the pragmatic one.  We needed a good meal and some good beer.  I have reserved a table on the second floor in advance.  Time for some quality fajitas and beer and a great time guaranteed every time we visit a Hard Rock Cafe, wherever in this world.

At nine-ish, Dia Frampton entered the stage, with her guitarist Daniel from UK.  She is – I would say – petite and in a beautiful pastel colored bareback dress with her hair tied up.  A perfect outfit for the Singapore weather.  I had no idea what to expect.  It turned out to be an acoustic set with she occasionally played the guitar and the piano.  Daniel was her temporary guitarist and the entire performance seemed a bit like them jamming on stage.  At times, it wasn’t entirely clear who should pluck the ending notes, a song was restarted because the starting notes weren’t that entirely right, or some of the rhythms seemed a bit strange.  However, none of these matters because it was so easy to lose in the moment when all I saw was two artists creating music on stage.  Dia has made the effort to change the arrangement and delivery of her songs making them fresh to listen to.

It was Dia’s first visit to Singapore and she has cracked some good jokes on stage.  Like how she came to know more about Singapore in the last minute through reading Wikipedia during her 24 hours plane ride.  How visiting Singapore is not exactly helping on her new year resolution of trying to shop less.  She and Daniel had American food for lunch and she has promised to try out Singapore’s chicken rice before she left.  Because it is famous according to Wikipedia.  Dia and Daniel took turn to tease each other on stage.  Like how Dia is unable to understand Daniel’s British accent most of the time.  And Daniel was surprised that Dia cries a lot, even when watching Wreck-It Ralph.  There is a girly side to Dia that I found charming.  She talked a little about The Voice too.  I am pretty sure I would have been a fan had I watched the first season.

I was expecting her to perform some cover songs.  True enough, she did a few (which I presume that some of these numbers were taken from The Voice).  Cynthia loves Dia’s rendition of Losing My Religion.  Dia sang Inventing Shadows, which signifies an important milestone in her competition.  That was a solid delivery.  I love the last song of the set most – Heartless – when she performed by the piano.  So full of emotion and commitment.  Watching Dia on stage was like watching The Voice.  TK said that she sang much better live than in her studio recording.  I felt that her falsetto was a bit weak.  But when she attacked those big notes with commitment, it was glorious.

We had a great time.  It was a fun evening.  And thanks to Kelvin for the alert!

Categories
Photography

Jeju Loveland Photo Album

First, wishing all my readers a Happy 2013.  May you be blessed with all the joy and happiness life has to offer.  Time flies.  And we are one year wiser.  It is good to do some self-reflection on what we have accomplished last year and what our plans are this year.

I wish I could have spent more time with my website.  But the line between blogging and social networking in Google+ is blurring, as some pioneers have predicted.  The outlook of my website this year would remain as a place for higher quality and more lengthy writing while Google+ is an excellent place to incubate new concepts and ideas, to meet new friends who share common passions.

Love, from Jeju Loveland

It is a pure coincidence that I am featuring photographs of a sex theme park on a New Year Day.  You may have noticed that my photographs are now published at Google+ instead of here in my website.  Well, it saves disk space and the interaction is a lot richer over there.  However, not wanting to run the risk of getting my Google+ account suspended due to explicit contents, I am publishing this album here.

  • Click here to view Jeju Loveland Photo Album (52 pictures with captions).  Warning: explicit contents.

For those who are new to Jeju Loveland, it is a sculpture / theme park based on sensuality and eroticism.  Jeju Island has long been a popular honeymoon location for the Koreans.  It is said that in the older days, after the Korean War, arranged marriage was the norm.  The island provided sex education for the then honeymooners, and to break the ice so as to speak.

When Cynthia and I visited Jeju Loveland, we thought the experience would be all weird and embarrassing.  In contrary, the theme park is full of giggle and laughter.  People of all ages (above 18 of course) seem to enjoy the humor side of the sculptures.  We do too.

PS. More photographs from our Korea Trip can be found in this link.

Categories
Drama Movie Reviews

Les Miserables – A Musical On Screen

I love this musical!

Les Misérables is one of my favorite musicals.  I have listened to it for decades.  I know every track by heart as well as the lyrics within.  Tracks like I Dreamed a Dream, The Confrontation, Castle on a Cloud, and Do You Hear the People Sing – they move me every time I listen to them.  My friends told me that I should have watched the musical while I was studying in UK.  True.  But alas.  Back then, every penny counted.  Luxury was something for the future.  So, in short, I did not have the chance to visualize this musical, till yesterday when we watched Les Misérable, with the usual Movie Review Squad and two of our friends from Google+.  It was two men and three ladies.  The girls cried profoundly during the show.  I cried a little, inside.  TK cried for a totally different reason: Russell Crowe.

This movie stays more or less faithful to the original musical score.  To that end, I have enjoyed the delivery thoroughly because I am so familiar with the music.  On the flip side, since I have an exceptionally high expectation on how Javert, Valjean, Fantine, and Cosette should sound like, I feel somewhat let down by the fact that not all the actors in Les Misérables can sing musical scores.

Russell Crowe has played a stunningly convincing stern looking police inspector.  Almost as convincing as Geoffrey Rush in the 1998 film adaptation of the same musical.  Sadly, Russel Crowe is also the weakest singer among all.  I cringed uncomfortably whenever he sings.  Huge Jackman, on the other hand, has done a much better job as Valjean thanks to his experience in theater.  Combined that with his acting skill, some scenes are pretty powerful.  Amanda Seyfried takes up the role of the most loved character Cosette.  She has sung in the movie Mamma Mia!  She sings OK in Les Misérables.  Not spectacular but OK.

Anne Hathaway’s performance is a surprise to me.  I Dreamed a Dream and Fantine’s Death: Come to Me are so moving and I have enjoyed every moment of her acting.  She deserves to be recognized, especially for her act in I Dreamed a Dream.  Definitely the highlight of the entire film.

During the movie, I observed that actors’ lips match perfectly with the singing as though it was recorded live.  I read later on that the singing was indeed recorded live and the orchestral tracks were added as a post-production activity.  This would mean that the actors have to act and sing perfectly in one take for each song.  Pretty amazing.

After watching Les Misérables, one question I have is: Do we need movie stars for a musical film?  Or would real theater actors from this very musical do a much better job?  I suppose in a film format, star power and acting is as important as singing, if not more.  Many of the scenes that move me emotionally are performed by the movie stars.  It is a trade off I guess.

All in all, I am happy that finally, I get to put all the musical notes and lyrics that I have learned by heart all these years into faces and scenes, visually speaking.

Categories
Animation Movie Reviews

Wreck-It Ralph: It Touches Gamers’ Hearts For Sure

What a heartwarming movie!

I had no idea what this film was.  Imagine my surprise when I realized that Wreck-It Ralph is about video game characters.  A villain who gets tired of being the bad guy, for a decade, inside an arcade machine.  He too wants to win a medal and be a good guy for once.  That sets him into a journey into a first person shooter machine and later on, an arcade racing machine.

As a passionate gamer, I love how this film portraits different aspects and eras of video gaming.  Plenty of game references.  As for the story, Wreck-It Ralph seems a bit slow in the beginning.  I wish the Hero’s Duty segment was a lot longer.  Fortunately, the pace does pick up once we get to the arcade racing game Sugar Rush, when the villain Ralph meets the adorable Vanellope.  There is even a moment when my heart weeps a little.

Categories
For the Geeks

A Journey From All-Assist To No-Assist – F1 2012 Video Game Guide

I love Formula One the sport.  And I love F1 2012 the video game.  I don’t think there exists another road racing game that has a speed as fast as a F1 simulation.  Recently, I have crossed the 100 hours play time.  One friend asked me, “What do you get out of this game with so much time put in?  Do you grind for experience points or currency to unlock faster cars?”  He is from a FPS and MMO background whereby unlocking gears is part of the game.  I chuckled and replied, “Not at all.  F1 is a skill game.  The only thing you need to unlock is your talent in playing a racing game”.

What a lovely racing game!

I am not a hardcore racer.  Fortunately, with the assist features this video game has offered, F1 2012 is accessible even to the most casual racer.  All-assist function is good.  It makes the game a lot less frustrating for some and the game play emphasizes on steering, a little bit of braking, sticking to the racing line, and making the most out of DRS and KERS technologies.  On top of that, it is a good introduction to the format of a F1 race.  The practice and qualifying sessions, yellow flag, pit stop, tire wear management, tire choices, penalty system, championship point system, racing rules, and more.

All-assist is good.  But as one gains proficiency on racing with the assist features, one may crave for deeper challenges.  F1 2012 offers a great depth to just that.  Turning off the assist features one by one rewards achievements or trophies, much faster lap time, predictability, and general satisfaction.

We love to stay in our comfort zone.  But if you decide to have a little adventure to see how far you can go with no-assist, I hope this article may inspire.

#1 Turn Off Brake Assist

Brake assist is the number one pace killer.  That is true.  By turning this one feature off, I have gained 3 to 5 seconds per lap.

Brake assist works best when you stick to the racing line accurately.  The moment you deviate from the racing line, brake assist kicks in.  This feature also slows down the car cautiously during corning.  It kills pace.

Turning off brake assist requires you to observe the brake markers on the side.  Depending on the turns, some have markers all the way from 400 meter ahead of the turn.  Finding the correct braking point for each turn (and each circuit) is important.  You may start with the very first sign you see.  And if you over brake, you may adjust accordingly.

Don’t over train on this part of the journey.  Once you are comfortable with braking function for a couple of different circuits, it is time to progress to the next one.

#2 Turn Off ABS and Traction Control

Personally, I feel ABS and TC (traction control) go hands-in-hands.  Allow me to provide a bit of background here.

ABS, like in road car technology, helps to prevent wheel locking in a heavy braking situation.  In F1 2012 in-game racing, ABS increases braking distance and stop front wheels from locking.  Locked wheels have no grip and it makes the braking non-effective.

TC helps to prevent rear wheels spinning.  Rear wheels spin when the engine rev exceeds what the wheel’s grip can handle.  This happens in a couple of places: starting grid, during turning (such as exiting a corner too aggressively), and wet weather condition.  When rear wheels spin, the car loses control.

Because ABS increases braking distance and TC reduces aggressiveness on gear shifting, turning them off improves lap time.  I can decrease the lap time for up to 2 seconds by turning these off, which is substantial, when added onto the no-brake assist gain.

To drive without ABS and TC, you have to be aware of grip condition.  Also bear in mind that down force is proportional to the square of speed.  Hence, as your car slows down, you have to gradually release the brake pressure or else suffer front wheels lock-up.  As you accelerate out of a corner, you may need to be gentle with the throttle or else suffer rear wheels lock-up.

Again, don’t over train on this setting.

#3 Use Manual Gearbox

Losing that auto gearbox, believe it or not, is not as bad as it sounds.  If you are using a console controller, you may wish to remap the DRS button (on top) to gear-up button (on bottom).  The default setup is neither comfortable to the hand nor intuitive.

Using manual gearbox – in some circuits – may gain lap time.  Especially places like S-Curves in Japan, sector 3 of Korea, and turn 3 through 7 in USA whereby engine braking is more effective than wheel braking, less frustrating than the auto gear hunting that goes up and down through a turn.  In other circuits, I may struggle matching my previous best lap records.  That is OK because manual gearbox provides better predictability in corning speed. Also, once you go manual, you won’t go back to auto.

The best way to learn how to work that manual gearbox is to watch how F1 professional racers lap a circuit on YouTube.  The strategies are as follows.

For down shifting from say a long straight at 7th gear, first, apply brake at the correct braking point.  After a second, quickly drop down 3 gears to 4th.  As you approach the apex, further drop down the gear to 3rd while releasing the brake.  For sharp corners, drop the gear to 2nd, and if need to, 1st.  Observe any sign of wheel lockup so as to further adjust the brake release timing.

For up shifting, the best time is when the engine hits the rev limiter (purple).  Holding the gear for too long kills speed.  However, you may notice shifting the gear up at high rev during corner exit may cause rear wheel spin (with no TC).  Hence in this case, you have to be gentle with the throttle.  Or shift gear a little bit earlier to keep the engine rev at a manageable state.  It is also a good lesson on why you have to use every inch of the circuit in opening up the exit.  Because the sharper the turning, the harder for you to be aggressive.

Of course, during wet weather condition, you have to watch out for engine rev.

By turning off brake assist, ABC, TC, and gear assist, it is time to really learn each and every of the 20 F1 circuits.  Use the brake markers and banners as braking points.  Find out the best gear choice for each chicane.  This is the most rewarding journey for me.

One area that needs to address is race start.  It is not easy without traction control.  The trick is that before the 5-light goes out, gently hold the throttle to green zone.  As you see the car moves forward, step onto the throttle.  Hold 1st gear till the speed is beyond 90 kph.  Then shift gears up as and when the rev limiter hits the purple zone.  Put in KERS if need to.

#4 Turn Off Racing Line

This is a person choice, more for immersion.  I don’t believe that turning off racing line would greatly help with lap time.  Especially when it is raining cats and dogs on track and visibility is terrible.

For some circuits like Brazil, I am comfortable in turning off the racing line.  For others, I am still learning my way.  Turning off racing line also forces you to really learn the track, and perhaps find a better racing line than the game suggests.

#5 More Challenges Ahead

If you are into beating lap time, i.e. time trial mode, you can explore the detail car setup feature for each track and fine tune your vehicle.  If you are into racing, i.e. career or quick race, you can turn on full damage simulation (and have a chance to see safety car!) and turn off the flash point system.  That is to say, mistakes can cost a great deal.  This game does not have hardcore mode.  You may even discipline yourself not to use the race restart function and take what it comes.

That is part of F1 racing.

PS. First season of my amateur F1 racing career can be found here.  Next season, I am planning to play with no-assist.

Categories
Photography

The Birth Of A Language – Hangeul (Korean)

Korean language intrigues me.  During my brief holiday visit, I would stare at the characters for hours (read: long bus rides) and trace the writing with my finger on my thigh.  Looking at Hangeul from a Chinese perspective, each character appears to assemble like the Chinese characters do, but in an entirely unique way.  There are circles ㅇ and there are squares ㅁ. Fragments of Chinese-ish constructs ㅅㅆ, strokes ㄷ ㄸ. And many unique symbols ㄹ and ㅎ. Putting them together, it is just beautiful. Like 안녕하세요, which means hello.

Sujeongjeon, where the Korean alphabets were invented.

Of all the pictures I have taken in Gyeongbokgung Palace, this particular one is my favorite one.  This is where Hangeul, the Korean alphabet was invented under King Sejong 569 years ago.  I could imagine the historical moment of scholars (perhaps) getting together and designed a new system to phonetically transform the then-current language into a new one.  What sort of debate went on in that office?  How long did the entire process take place?  How many generations did it take to educate the entire nation on how to use this new language?  Whatever the answers are, this structure you see marks the birth of a language that exists till today.

Of all the government offices inside the palace, Jiphyeonjeon, the Hall of Worthies, is the only one remaining. It is where Hangeul, the Korean alphabet, was invented under King Sejong. Rebuilt in 1867, its name was later changed to Sujeongjeon. It served as the cabinet office during the Reform Movement of 1894.

Unlike my previous trips, this time round, I have intended to separate the photograph processing work (that includes adding captions to each picture) from the travel journal writing work.  I hope this way, I am able to share the pictures in a more timely fashion.  I frequently publish the processed photographs in Google+.  For those who are not connected with me over in Google+, you may keep checking out the photograph section of my website.  I update the links there as and when new albums are published.

Categories
Blu-ray / DVD Review Country Folk & Jazz Music Reviews Pop Rock & Alternative

CMT Crossroads Taylor Swift & Def Leppard (1998) / RED Taylor Swift (2012)

Once fine day, I saw a video clip posted by one of the Google+ users featuring Taylor Swift and Def Leppard performing Hysteria.  That electrifying performance is tantalizing in so many different ways.  First, as a huge fan of Def Leppard, to be able to see them perform live at this age, I mean, these guys still have it.  They still rock.  Later on, I read that Taylor Swift did this Crossroads collaboration partly because her mother is a big fan of Def Lepard.  That is kind of sweet of her.  Second, as you may have already known, I am a mega fan of Taylor Swift.  I am keen to see what the outcome of this collaboration would be, between a classic band like Def Leppard and a successful young female artist Taylor Swift one generation apart whereby the only commonality is the pop genre.

The main presentation has a total of eight songs.  Four tracks are from Def Lappard namely Photograph, Hysteria, When Love & Hate Collide, and Pour Some Sugar on Me.  Another four are Taylor Swift’s Picture to Burn, Love Story, Teardrops on My Guitar, and Should’ve Said No.  In addition, as bonus materials, there are three more tracks: Love, Our Song, and the all acoustic Two steps behind.

All the songs are nicely done.  Joe Elliott and Taylor Swift duet on each other’s songs.  Two bands are merged, very much like jamming on stage.  While I love all the tracks on this recording, When Love & Hate Collide and Teardrops on My Guitar stand out as my favorite tracks.  Interlaced onto the live performance is a set of interview that lends insight on the musical journey of both artists.  What a gem this DVD is.

RED

I wasn’t too sure if I would love Taylor Swift’s fourth album RED.  But I have a high level of anticipation nonetheless.  I like her country root.  Over the year, she seems to have spilled over to the pop genre.  When We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together first debuted on Google Hangout, I wasn’t sure what to make out of it.  That song does grow on me over time, like the rest of RED.  One good thing about her experimental journey in collaborating with other artists such as Gary Lightbody of Snow Patrol is that it shows a different side of her.  A sign of growth and maturity, which in turn influences her own production.

My favorite tracks though as the ones written by her in entirety.  As well as All Too Well that is co-written with Liz Rose.  The Liz Rose and Taylor Swift collaboration has produced 16 songs including White Horse, Teardrops on My Guitar, and You Belong with Me.  I am hoping for more like these in the future.

Has anyone managed to crack the codes in her lyrics by picking out all the oddly capitalized letters?  I have tried but have given up.

Categories
Book Reviews Non-Fiction

A Day With A Perfect Stranger By David Gregory

Chancing upon this book is a story as extraordinary as the book itself.  Allow me to elaborate.

Sunday late morning, my mother-in-law, my wife, and I drove to our neighborhood Church.  The car parks both inside and outside the Church were full.  So I dropped them off hoping to find a parking lot somewhere further down the road.  It is better to have at least some of us attending the Mass, rather than all three of us returned home empty handed (without receiving the sermon and the communion that is).  I could not find a lot so I headed to the library nearby and returned the books as planned.

I had no intention to borrow any book from the library.  Since I have time to kill, I scanned through the shelves and randomly picked one.  It was A Day with a Perfect Stranger.  I do not know what prompted me to choose this book.  Perhaps it is tiny and I was looking for some bite size reading.  Onto page one, I was hooked.

I never thought I’d become the kind of woman who would be glad to leave her family.  Not that I wanted to abandon them, exactly.  I was just glad to get away for a few days.  Or longer, in case of one of them.

Maybe I should have celebrating instead of escaping.  That’s what you do with big news, isn’t it?  And we had plenty.

A few week earlier my husband, Nick, told me that he had met Jesus.  Not the usual “getting saved” kind of meeting Jesus.  I mean, met Jesus.  Literally.  At a local Italian restaurant.

I was intrigued.  It was as though God was speaking to me, “OK, I know you’ve missed Mass.  But here’s a book you can read and make up to it.”

I sat down, slowly reading one chapter by one chapter.  Unable to finish the book within half an hour, I borrowed it before heading back to the Church to pick up Cynthia and her mother.

This book may be tiny, but it is loaded with inspiration for the soul.  For those who have a religious background, may or maybe not practicing the faith at this very moment, this book calls for a self-reflection.  For those who are open-minded, there may be much to gain.  If I were the author, I would probably give this book a Paulo Coelho approach.  Take away the Christianity reference and make it more universal.  Then again, I can see that the message would not be as powerful.  Because at the bottom of it, the author wants to convey the message that Jesus is among us.  Human do not need religion to have a relationship with God.

Back to the story, Mattie was shocked that her husband has met Jesus, in a restaurant.  She could not believe it.  In fact, she wanted to run away from it.  Mattie did not believe God and she disagreed with the notion of religion.  Interestingly, this book is not about religion.  It goes directly to the crust of what religion is about: God.  On the plane, Mattie has met a perfect stranger.  Through dialogues, Mattie began to do some soul searching.  Works of art are a reflection of the creators.  Parents love their children, no matter what.  We reach out to those whom we love, and vice versa.  From the beautiful scenery of the nature, to the beautiful smiles between parents and children, are we not seeing and hearing something more profound than just a scenery or just a smile?

In summary, A Day with a Perfect Stranger is a simple yet inspirational book especially for the Christians, lapsed or not.  Soup for the soul.

Categories
Diary

Chasing Insomnia

It is one of the most intense dreams I have ever had, with a PG rating that is.  I was behind a Formula One car.  The roaring of a V8 engine was deafening.  I was charging up a hill.  It could be Eau Rouge in Belgium or “S” Curves of Suzuka.  It could well be the opening sequence of the new Austin.  Fighting off the G-force, I was holding onto the imaginary racing line like a receding lifeline out of a sinking Titanic.

I woke up, feeling the sweat on my forehead.  Outside, the road was quiet.  I dared not look at the clock.  The night could well be young.  I was trying very hard to go back to sleep.  But I couldn’t.  It could be the coffee I drank the day before, in the afternoon.  It could be the new stress at work that is affecting my sleep.  It could be the excitement of my upcoming winter vocation.  It could be the non-drowsy cough mixture I took.  Do they put caffeine into cough mixture?  I had Thai food for lunch.  I did not know how, but I ate a whole pile of dried chili flakes, with the fried noodle.  Some dried chili flakes got stuck at the back of my throat and I could not stop coughing since then.

Or maybe, I was playing F1 the video game till late last night, learning the Korean circuit without the assist features.  Perhaps my brain muscle was strained as I went round in round in circle trying to better myself, which I did, after one hour of racing.

After I woke up from my dream, I was unable to go back to sleep.  Slowly, and not unexpectedly so, the Korean track crept back to my mind.  I could visualize turn 11 and the new trick I have learned the evening before.  Accelerate into the turn, tap the brake to drop two gears down, bite into the apex, accelerate off the apex, and then immediately tap the brake again to again drop two gears down, hold the racing line, accelerate into turn 12, remember to brake at the apex so as not to run wide at the chicane.  I could see a smile on my face.  A perfect execution.  Time to do it again.

I have no idea how it happened.  As I closed my eyes, helplessly and mentally running the circuit like Vettel did every time before the race, I shifted back into my dreamland.  I was again racing behind a Formula One car.  The roaring of a V8 engine was deafening.

After an unknown number of laps – time is not linear in a dream so it is hard to tell – I woke up again.  My bedroom was still in a near pitch black darkness, except for the faint street light that was flooded through the curtains.  The sound of the V8 engine died down and was replaced by the engine noise of an ordinary road vehicle outside the window.  One car went pass our condominium.  The street went quiet for a few good seconds before another one passed by.  The train was not in operation.  The night must still be young.  I tried willing myself to sleep, but I failed.  Frustration started to seep in.  What should I do?  Must I think of racing in order to fall asleep?

I started to trace the Korean track turn by turn.  It seems so easy when you can anticipate each maneuver.  18 turns in total.  DRS here, KERS there.  The second signboard and apply brake.  The first signboard and brake hard.  The last signboard and brake very hard.  Accelerate gently.  Release brake gradually.  Don’t lock the front wheels.  Don’t spin the rear wheels.  Soon I drifted back to my sleep, behind a Formula One car.  I was in a no man’s land.  In my dream, the track was empty.  Where have the rest of the cars gone?  Does it matter?

This cycle went on and on for a few times throughout the night.  By the time the alarm clock rang, I was already wide awake, exhausted by seven good hours of mental racing.

Categories
Snippet of My Life

Snippet Of My Life Episode 37 – Ostrich Power

In this island of Thrapswana where her native inhabitants live in isolation from the rest of the universe, lead scientist Vector Eden has a vision: To mutate and transform all existing chickens into the long extinct ostrich.  It was a grand vision.  One that guaranteed a promotion within Poultry Inc.  Incredible funding in the scale of billions of dollars was poured into this scientific exploration.  It was one of those journeys that has to succeed, in whichever forms and by whatever means.  Vector Eden – young and charming – has won many endorsements.  But that was from within Poultry Inc.  What about the rest of the world?

In a recent customer survey, no one seemed to care what went into a poultry burger.  One customer went by the name of Thunder said, “In the end of the day, a burger is a burger.  I want my food fast and that’s all that I care.  But seriously, can you tell between minced duck and minced goose?  Just don’t charge me more now that it is rebranded as ostrich!”

The Mayor however was less than impressed with the new initiative. “Tell me one thing.  If right now I am having trouble in auditing the parts that go into a chicken patty, what makes you think that it is easier to tell ostrich meat from ostrich intestine when it is all mashed up.  You get my drift?”

Sure, Mr. Mayor.  Wise as ever.

The chicken farmers though were less than thrilled about this new announcement.  One farmer who did not wish to be named lamented, “Everything works fine.  We don’t need no ostrich.  What’s wrong with chickens you tell me?  We have built our farms and infrastructure to process chicken meat.  We handle chicken eggs with one hand.  There are containers built just to distribute chicken eggs.  Are you going to have an ostrich egg for breakfast?  You can have one chicken egg for breakfast.  Maybe two. Ostrich eggs.  Are you nuts?  So why are we getting rid of the chickens again?”

Vector Eden sang a different tune. “Human psychology tells us one thing.  We don’t like change.  Nature tells us one thing.  Change is the only certainty.  History tells us one thing.  Resistance is futile.  Let me tell you one thing.  The entire chicken model is a failure.  We need a much stronger poultry that has a much better resistance to flu and diseases.  This is a revolution.  No.  This, is an evolution!”

To preserve the existing chicken business, Poultry Inc. has offered free services in transforming existing chicken eggs into ostrich eggs and mutating existing chickens into ostriches.  To spread out the initial load, farmers turned in their eggs and livestock in batches.  Carefully labeling each chicken and egg with serial numbers and the owners’ initials, the farmers handed over their livelihoods to Poultry Inc. in good faith trusting that everything would be fine.

“In retrospect, we should have seen this coming,” continued the unnamed farmer in a second interview. “Thousands of chickens and eggs were lost, and still are.  We have the orders but we can’t fulfill.  Fast food restaurants are not getting the chickens.  Customers are not getting the burgers.  I am not having my eggs for breakfast.  This is a lose-lose-lose situation.  How much are these scientists drawing again?”

The widespread collapse of poultry supply has created one giant media disaster.  One day, our hero Dooku was called into NMU*.  His boss spoke with a genuine urgency, “Dooku, we have a situation.”

*Noise management unit – A rebranded department within Poultry Inc.

Dooku nodded coolly, knowing exactly what was to come.

“We need you to help handling these lost chicken and egg cases,” his boss continued.

“Sure,” replied Dooku, “I have one question though.”

“Shoot!”

“Which cases come first?  Chicken or egg?”

His boss was not amused and soon, Dooku found himself drowned in a sea of queries and requests.

“Where are my ostriches?!  I need them today!”

“If I don’t get my eggs by the end of this month, my farm will be out of business!”

“Our factory needs to supply poultry patty to the restaurants.  Can the farmers have the chickens back please?”

“Why are you not replying?”

“Hello?”

The most hilarious query that Dooku has come across perhaps was this one below.

“Please rectify whatever needs rectifying, it seems like that would be everything.  I assumed (Ass-U-Me) when I put a chicken into your state-of-the-art mutation engine, it would come out an ostrich.  Obviously I was wrong.  The chicken disappeared instead!”

Dooku wished that there was something he could really help.  But these were no honey jars; this was not a marketplace; and Dooku was no longer a chef.  Day in and day out, Dooku struggled with what he did not understand.  Some science jargon that was way beyond his comprehension.  One day, Dooku had a dream.  In his dream, he was pushed into the mutation engine and was turned into an ostrich.  Have the problems gone away?  No.  The farmers kept up with the chasing.  Where are my ostriches?  Where are my eggs?

Dooku the Ostrich kept running.  The voices would not go away!  They hunted Dooku down in day, haunted him at night.  Fed up with the entire universe of merde de la merde, with his new found power thanks to the improved ostrich DNA, in one grand swift moment, Dooku buried his head into the sand.

All of a sudden, in this dream island of Thrapswana, all his troubles seemed so far away.

*     *     *     *    *

This entry, like all my Dooku related entries, is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance to persons and situations in real life can only be a coincidence.  If it was up to me, I would mutate chicken into dodo.  When I was working in Mauritius, I was told that the forty pound wild birds were all eaten by the Dutch sailors.  What a pity though.  Dodo was such a majestic species (picture taken from Wikipedia.org).