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Swamped

It has been exactly three weeks which I have not been writing any diary.  Surprising how time flies and how much I have lost touch with my inner self.

So what has happened in this three weeks’ time.  A lot.

In terms of work, it has gone quite okay.  Or more correctly, more bearable.  But in terms of my love life, it is still in a mess.  Last night had a minor argument with CC.  She doubts if she is still the most important person in my world.  And of course she is!  Think about all the sleepless night because of her.  But work really gets in between our relationship.  How sad it is.  I just hope that it will turn better as time goes by.

Edit 2008.05.12: Now that I read this, it is interesting to see how I am just not able to see something that is so obvious right in front of me.

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From the Attic

An Extract from the Valkyries

To those of you who may need some soul nourishing stuff, here is one gem I have picked up lately.

“… One has only to accept a simple fact: Love … shows us the way. Our defects, our dangerous depths, our suppressed hatreds, our moments of weakness and desperation – all are unimportant. If what we want to do is heal ourselves first, so that then we can go in search of our dreams, we will never reach paradise. If, on the other hand, we accept all that is wrong about us – and despite it, believe that we are deserving of a happy life – then we will have thrown open an immense window that will allow Love to enter. Little by little, our defects will disappear, because one who is happy can look at the world only with love – the force that regenerates everything that exists in the Universe.”

– an extract from The Valkyries by Paulo Coelho.

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Diary From the Attic

What Can I Possibly Do?

So finally CC is on her own.  But as expected (not as hoped) she becomes quite distant from me.  What can I possibly do?

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Diary From the Attic

Know My Place

Sunday, that is.  Forced myself to wake up this morning.  Accompanied the maid and bought some household stuffs.  Went over BUN and worked a while.  CC called me back to chop up the chicken.  We all have a lunch gathering.  Then I went back to work a while and they all watched VCD.

Seeing CC and her boyfriend being so close hurt me so much.  But I must always remember I am the third party and not the one in her heart.

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Diary From the Attic

To Be or To Be Not

To be frank, let’s hope that I have already hit the lowest point of my emotion.  And I shall see a bright and clear path soon.

Easy said that done but at least I shall try to seek true happiness.

And not at all simple.

Got to sort out my work, my love, my friends and my family.

To some people, I may be lucky.  To be single and lead a non-commit life.  Free to see any body I like, free to do whatever I like.

The bottom line is: I have to experience as much as possible when I am young.

My heartbreaks, my disappointing role in the project, the slipping of my friends, the family back in Hong Kong I need to take care of really soon.  The question is: shall I emerge in my non-prosperous love life, probably pursuing something that will end up like soap bubble? To be or not to be …

But which way to go? 

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From the Attic

Time – A Different View

Little things in life you just keep doing, without realising that it is the result of modern society. Maybe, that is why we are all so stressed today.

Tick … tick … tick …

What’s that? That is the modern invention that you keep looking at countless times a day. 2 pm appointment at Body Shop – you finish your meal at Bugis first and it says one-fifteen – so you go to the book store on the third floor, browse a few new novels, 1:32 already – queue up to buy a movie ticket but it takes longer than you expect, 1:41 you are still waiting wondering why the couple in front takes so long – your turn has finally arrived but it is full house for movie A – take another 15 seconds to decide to watch movie B instead – what? No decent seat? – 1:46 you rush down the escalator and the train arrives at 1:54.

You don’t expect you will be on time, do you?

So you consult your personal timer and keep hoping.

1:56 – 1:59 – 2:02 – 2:03 – 2:04 – 2:05

And you give up looking at the digits and try to relax. The stress level, of course, depends on who you are seeing.

Two-thirteen you arrive at Body Shop and …

You realised that he or she is late.

And you are probably stressed for nothing. Look at your time again and instead, you may feel a bit frustrated. Another ten minutes has gone and you start to wonder if your meeting point is correct.

Occasion like this makes you think that if knowing time in such a detail is such a necessity.

Think about this. Sometimes, time appears in a different form.

Jake the milkman will deliver my bottle of milk at my door at around seven in the morning. I can hear my newspaper hits my doorway at around seven-thirty. My neighbour, Auntie Mary, will go to market at around nine (banging of the door). I know Pete the postman will come before lunch time. Sitting by the window, a blue jeep will leave the place at two and come back around nine (the headlight is so bright!). The kids return from school at five to six and start playing football just outside of where I live. I can even tell Friday night from the loud music playing downstairs. The pub gets really noisy between nine to eleven. Silence only come after midnight.

Ah … isn’t that wonderful?

So next time, try this.

Me : Where and when shall we meet tomorrow?
You : Body Shop after lunch.

Life can be so much relaxing. Don’t you think so?

Talk about asking question, I am sure at one point in time, one must have faced this question.

– I’ve got one good news and one bad news, which one would you like to hear first?

This really could have been another “Interactive Question of the Week”. The result I beg is half half.

But only recently do I realised that one should always listen to the good news first. By listening to the good news first, the chances that you may feel less depress over the bad one is pretty high. Listening to the bad one first may make the good news less wonderful. What do you think?

And of course, the assumption is that : given a chance to be happy or not to be, the majority should choose to be, consciously.

Excuse me. Suddenly my bio-clock has told me that it is about time to rest. So till the next time we interact, take care.

Wilf.numb@Jakarta