How To Change The World When Everyone Is Bitching – Dealing With Egoist, Skeptic, Victim, And Follower

One weekend, Cynthia passed me a newspaper cutting written by The Straits Times journalist Sumiko Tan on how her text message conversation with her friend inspired her to write an article on why some people tend to tell white lies to comfort others.  Sumiko was having lunch alone one day, sent a text message to her friend on how sad and lonely she felt, and her friend’s honest reply of “you have no friends, you are a sad person” made her wonder why he did not comfort her instead.  But of course, she knew he was telling the truth.  Truth hurts.

When Cynthia passed me the article, she said, “I like Sumiko Tan.  She always writes something I can relate.”  And it suddenly hit me, I too want to write something that my regular readers can relate (or try writing at least).

One fine afternoon during lunch, one colleague of mine said to me, “You can be so easily impressed by people.  I mean, you are so optimistic.”  Her comment puzzled me initially and I queried if there is anything wrong feeling that way about others.  We didn’t reach any conclusion.

That little incident took me back to the time when I was first given the opportunity to lead teams.  I have had this belief that everyone has talents.  Finding the right set of motivations, to me, is the key to unlock these precious talents from the people around me.  This notion seems to work fine but it doesn’t necessarily translate to results.  A few years later, I met one mentor of mine who taught me: exploit one’s strengths, not weaknesses.  At that time, it was quite an eye-opener because unlocking one’s talent is one thing, apply that to yield desirable results is another.

This little revelation changes the way I manage people.  On one end of the equation are the tasks at hand, on the other end of the equation is a set of talented skills the team has.  Any gap in between would have to be filled in by the untapped talent of the existing team (through training for example) or a new hired resource.

But why stop at the team level?  Why not apply the same observation to our bosses and beyond?  I mean, they all have their ins and outs and why not recognize their weaknesses and work with their strengths?  I don’t know what your working environment is like but nearly all the places I have been to, I have met some co-workers who spend much time thinking and bitching about their bosses, their departments or projects, the organization, the government, the planet, and etc.  Most of the claims I have heard are taken out of context or formed due to a lack of an appreciation of a bigger picture.  Some claims are factual but I usually find that the constructive views resulting from these facts add more values to our lives instead.  I guess we all bitch either publicly or privately at times (to bitch is human?).  But dwelling on so much dark energy that consumes us doesn’t seem healthy to me.

This blog entry is not about them.  It is about how you can perhaps change the world when faced with adversity as described above.  After years and years of sitting through all these bitching sessions – which I have tried to avoid by all means if I can but you know how it’s like when you are stuck in a meeting room, a lift, or a team lunch or drink appointment – I can loosely categorize the active contributors as: the Egoist, the Skeptic, the Victim, and the Follower.

You can easily spot the Egoists from the crowd.  Nothing or no one is good enough for them, except a rare few.  They see all the flaws around them so much so that they forget that they are not that perfect either.  The only way to defuse the situation is to gain their respect and slowly influence their point of views.  This certainly takes time because most likely, you are not good enough for them either.  You will need a lot of patience or to wait for some humbling situations to occur.  People do change, given time.  Orchestrate some opportunities if you can to accelerate the process.

The Skeptics doubt people and beliefs in general and it is a darn hard job to sell the vision of the future or to convince the ‘invisible’ ability of our leaders to them.  Any plan that is to come, unless hundred and one percent proven, are plans that may not succeed.  Any one who advocate these plans – our bosses most likely – are not the ones to be hundred percent trusted.  In any given day, it is of course good to put on the caution hat to anticipate some of the foreseeable challenges ahead.  But to face with the Skeptics who constantly wear that hat could be tiring to some of us.  Worst of all, Skeptics are usually part of the team that can influence the outcome and we know no one wants to be proven wrong.  So, go and guess the results yourself.  Proving them wrong would not work because it only takes one incident of shit hitting the fan when they turn around and say, “See I told you so”.  I guess one way is to constantly remind them how the situation has improved over time (averaging the occasion shit hits the fan situations) and hope that they are less vocal about their thoughts and to put them into something more constructive instead.

The Victims are the one who think that the whole world is acting against them.  Bosses are there to give them a hard time and everything is beyond their control.  To help the Victims – which is a lot easier than dealing with the Egoists and Skeptics I must say – is to rebuild their confidence and self-worth.  Let them know that while many things in life are beyond our control, there are more we can influence.  The frustration is of course more often then not, the Victims keep slipping back to the victimized mode and you find yourself repeating the same advice again, again, and again.

The Followers don’t necessarily have strong views about persons or situations in general.  They feed on what others say and help fueling the entire bitching session by agreeing with the points in totality.  Without them, the emotions wouldn’t rise high and the fists wouldn’t hit the sky.  So what shall we do with them?  Absolutely nothing because once you perform the heroic task of neutralizing the Egoists and the Skeptics and the Victims, there will be nothing left for them to follow.

The question is: why do you even bother to neutralize the situation?

Yes, it is much easier to avoid getting involved with all these bitching sessions.  However, if you have a stake on the team and if you do care about some of them as friends, indifference is probably a less desired strategy.

At least, morally speaking

PS. The above is a picture taken from my cubicle.  Unfortunately, the sea view is behind where I sit.