Mad Cow (1) – C’est Moi?

To those of you who do not having feelings towards cows, I urge you to escape and delete this message immediately for it will be a waste of your time and a waste of my effort. For those of you (Animal Lovers perhaps ?) who may care about what right do we have to slaughter the cows, you may like to take a look at this message. There will be no commitment. It is not a cult about cows. This is all about discovery. This is all about the meaning of life. This is all about … cows.

It was Thursday night when I had my dinner at my favorite American restaurant. Common sense said that most of the dishes would be beef. If not pepper steak, we have sirloin steak. If you do not fancy steak, we have burgers. If you end up in an American restaurant one day and find no beef in the menu, it must not be an American restaurant.

So I ordered pepper steak. Medium done. As I was consuming my piece of meat resting on a nice hot plate, blood oozing out with each cut I made. A very civilized way of eating, I doubt. My mind was drifting. Thinking of Mad Cow Disease made me doubt why the hell I ordered beef in the first place. And I was in deep thought about cows. Cows that were alive. Cows that you saw out in the farm. Cows that …

Suddenly, something hit me. My vision was blurred. My head was spinning. I wanted to throw up. A beacon. A call from far distance. An image and it disappeared so fast that I could not capture. My body was shaking when I called the bill and rushed back to my place, leaving my dinner unfinished.

And I had nightmares. Images worst than MTV. I saw cows. A lot of them and I screamed.

Funny enough I had recurrent nightmare on Friday night and I was certain that there was a beacon. I had a vision but I could not describe. It was somewhere that I must visit.

So I set off early on Saturday morning. Bought a train ticket to some rural place that I had never heard of. But I was following my instinct, or rather the beacon. There must be something waiting for me to be discovered.

A bright sunny day with some cool wind occasionally. Otherwise, everything was still. With the scent of grass and flower and the music of nature, I kept walking for half a day not knowing where I was heading. I wandered around and ended up into a huge, seemed to be abandon house. Well, not surprisingly that you found some places like this outside a small village.

“Hello, hello”, and I received no response. So I stepped in. The whole house was pretty empty and by the look of it, I would say it was indeed a very ancient house. Wooden walls, wooden furniture. When I turned around and stared at the walls. That shocked me. I virtually fell down onto the floor when I saw some “writings” engraved. I took out my notebook and started typing. It summarized as follows.
Seems to me that as we advance our technology, Cows do advance too. Although very slow, believe me, they do. What make us, the human beings, so successful ? As quoted from Stephan Hawking.
“For millions of years, mankind lived just like an animal. Then something happened, that unleashed our imagination, we began to talk.”

As for cows, they have acquired the skill of telepathic. (I am not lying ! Believe me, they do ! You really think I am insane, don’t you ? I AM NOT !) They communicate ! Just like we do. And surprisingly, they do have their language, very similar to English. They called it “Cowish”. So I doubt if the first telepathic cow was originated in England. As I was going through all the journals, I came across the following interesting conversation.

Cow A (Tall thin one) : Holy Cow ! (A greeting to each other. Similar to Good morning, Good afternoon and so on)

Cow B (Short fat one) : Holy Cow, our leader.

Cow A : Today is a very importaNt date in our Cow History. We should be awakeNed by the reality. (As you can image cow has a very strong cow accent)

Other Cows : Nnnnng Nnnnng Nnnnng Nnnnng..

Cow A : Over the past centuries, noNe of our cow-kind has realized that we were borN to be eateN. EveN our eyeballs becomes part of the biological experimeNt for the juNiors.

Cow B : What shall woc do ? (means we in English – check out the spelling)

Cow A : SomethiNg has to be doNe. Woc must all be Cow-War-D ! (Funny enough this has exactly the opposite meaning of the word – coward.)

Other Cows : Nnnnng Nnnnng Nnnnng Nnnnng..

Cow A : Now, you must listeN to what I am goiNg to Bull-Shit. (Cowish seems to use this word as – say or talk or express.)

Other Cows : Bull-Shit us ! Bull-Shit us !

Cow A : Our life should not be Cow-age by mankind. (Very unique Cowish grammar. They seem to replace the word ‘man’ with ‘cow’ whenever it is referring to their kind.)

Other Cows : Nnnnng Nnnnng Nnnnng Nnnnng..

Cow B : Woc shall have WAR !

Cow A : NO !! Havent you read the “Animal Farm” ? Do you waNt to be like the Pigs ? Listen to my Bull-Shit. No, woc shall not rule but woc shall teach man a lessoN.

Other Cows : (Silence)

Cow B : But

Other Cows : Bull-Shit us ! Bull-Shit us !


OOPS, my battery seems need to be recharged. Anyway I will continue this in the next transmission. If you are fed up with Cows right now, its all right. I will not bother you with Cow-ssage anymore. The bottom message is that the next time you eat beef, think about the fact that cows do have a mind. If you got to this far and want to hear more about Cows, simply send me an Email saying that “Yes, I concern about Cows”. If not, there will be no more Cow-ssage for you.

To be continued ….

Wilf.insane @ virtual.reality

Coming Soon :-
A famous Cow Song – The Fools Garden seems to have copied this song and renamed it as “The Lemon Tree”.

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