The so-called vivid story told by today’s newspaper is neither in-depth nor entertaining. I was expecting a Hollywood script like this. Enjoy! Rated M18 for strong language, blood and gore.
1. EXT. DETENTION CENTER, SINGAPORE – NIGHT (4am)
(Writer’s note: Who wants to watch a fugitive film that happens at four in the afternoon?)
An unidentified truck pulls in front of the entrance of the detention center. Two armed militias emerge spraying bullets at all living beings including a stray cat nearby. Blood is everywhere.
MILITIA #2 looks amused and takes out a walkie talkie.
2. INT. TOILET – NIGHT
As the head of the Singapore branch of the militant group Jemaah Islamiah MAS SELAMAT pees at the toilet bowl looking at an opened window right above him, we REVERSE ANGLE TO REVEAL:
Another two armed militias just a wall away from MAS. MILITIA #4 is holding a walkie talkie that has lots of static noise.
3. EXT. OUTSIDE CHANGING ROOM – NIGHT
I heard the gunshots. Where is our green light?!
(anxiously shaking his walkie talkie)
I think this thing is not working, boss.
Hmmm … let’s do it!
MILITIA #4 takes out a slab of C-4, pastes them onto the wall, and whispers loudly at the opened window …
Jangan berdiri dekat jendela!
What the heck is that?
Kekeke. It means ‘back away from the window’ in Bahasa Indonesia, boss. Now, back away from the wall!
As they back away from the wall …
For fudge’s sake, MAS SELAMAT is a Singaporean. He knows English!
REVERSE ANGLE TO REVEAL: MAS is still peeing oblivious to all that happens outside the changing room.
4. INT. TOILET – NIGHT
Ka-boom! A loud explosion. A huge fireball. The wall blows apart. Dust everywhere. The armed militias enters the cell. REVERSE ANGLE TO REVEAL: MAS lies on the floor covered in blood.
You fudging moron! Look what you’ve done! You have bloody killed MAS SELAMAT!
What the fudge?! I told him to stand back!
What shall we do now, boss?
MILITIA #3 grabs the walkie talkie from MILITIA #4 and says …
Abort mission! Abort! Can you hear me?!
Static noise from the walkie talkie is getting louder and louder and we REVERSE ANGLE TO REVEAL: MAS’s blood stained body twitches. His fingers start to move.
CAPTION #1: “IT IS KNOWN THAT EXTREME SITUATION MAY INVOKE A SUDDEN LEAP OF EVOLUTION.”
5. EXT. HIGHWAY (P I E) – NIGHT (4.11am)
The four armed militias together with blood stained MAS SELAMAT inside the truck entering the PIE highway. MAS does not seem injured.
Oh crap! We must leave the highway now!
I forgot to top up my Cashcard.
For fudge’s sake, you moron! The ERP gantries won’t be operational in another 3 hours! Now drive! The plane should fly by us any time from now.
As everyone look up at the sky, our CAMERA slowly points up, spots a plane far away, and moves back to the crowd inside the truck …
MAS, it is time now. You must leave Singapore alive.
How about you all?
We do what terrorists always do. Kekeke. Blown up into pieces.
Ya … 99 virgins in heaven! Kekeke.
Kekeke. Oh please … it is 70!
You guys are morons. For fudge’s sake.
6. EXT. HIGHWAY – NIGHT
MAS SELAMAT gets on top of the truck, grabs the plane’s landing gear and flies off into the sky. The CAMERA follows the plane looking back at the truck. The truck gets smaller and smaller and then ka-boom! A tiny fireball.
7. INT. COCKPIT – NIGHT
Inside the cockpit, MAS SELAMAT and PILOT engages in a deep conversation. The CAMERA moves away from MAS and PILOT and points at the view outside the window. 2 F-14 Tomcat fighter planes are at their tail.
MAS, you have to jump off the plane now! They are going to shoot us down.
But I will die!
MAS, if you can survive C-4 while peeing, you can surely survive this fall! You are a super villain now!
How about you?
PILOT smiles as MAS looks back while jumping off the plane. The CAMERA follows MAS as he falls looking back at the plane. The plane gets smaller and smaller and then ka-boom! A tiny fireball.
Wind noise is getting louder and louder and we REVERSE ANGLE TO REVEAL: Super villain MAS opens a portal right underneath of him and he disappears as he drops into the portal.
CAPTION #2: “AFTER CLOSE TO 2 MONTHS OF MANHUNT IN SINGAPORE, MAS SELAMAT IS STILL NOWHERE TO BE FOUND.”
CAPTION #3: “NO ONE KNOWS WHERE HE IS.”
CAPTION #4: “A FEW SMALL FRIES FROM THE CENTER RECEIVE DISCIPLINARY ACTIONS.”
CAPTION #5: “MINISTER FOR HOME AFFAIRS, WONG KAN SENG’S HEAD DOES NOT ROLL.”
CAPTION #6: “WILFRID WONG LOST A $2 BET WITH HIS FRIEND TK. TK IS RIGHT. WONG KAN SENG IS GOING TO FIRE EVERYONE FROM GROUND UP … TO ONE OR FEW LEVELS BELOW HIM.”