Category: My Good Life

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Diary

Under the Watchful Eyes of Blue Giant Crab Love is in the Air – A Doodle

Last Friday, I was on leave. And it was extraordinary. I was happy. The weather shifted from cloudy in the early afternoon to rainy to sunshine back to the threat of thunderstorms ended with a partially cloudy evening. The moon was half-covered by the cloud giving me the illusion of staring at a half-moon.

I stumbled upon a printed drawing. It was a blue giant crab with very interesting web-like patterns that reminds me of a dreamcatcher. At that moment, I thought I was dreaming, caught by the blue giant crab. Maybe I was dreaming. It was just me and the drawing. I could not help but to make a mental note of the composition. I traced my fingers through the crab a few times. It helps me to memorize. My zodiac is cancer. That further captivates me.

Titled as Under the Watchful Eyes of a Blue Giant Crab Love is in the Air. It is a simple composition with three elements. This drawing can be viewed upside down as well.

These days, I think of young people in love. That was this song of mine I kept on humming as I composed this drawing. I thought of a theme park. I love theme parks. It is not that my parent did not bring me to a theme park when I was young. It is the desire to see and experience the world like kids do.

Kids from the park, I wish to be
To possess a sense of innocence
To take back all that has taken from me
All the joy take a look at their faces

Song #139 – Kids from the Park

While this drawing only has three elements – the crab, the couple, and the roses – it took me more than eight hours to complete. This is by far the longest I have spent in drawing. I like the roses that spiral from the center of the drawing. I also like the fact that I can hang this drawing upside down shifting the focus from the crab to the couple.

When viewed upside down, the focus of the drawing shifted.

While I was drawing, my wife was watching watercolor videos on YouTube. I don’t paint in watercolor. But from what I have picked up – since we share the common space, she watching TV in the living room and I drawing in the dining area – watercolor painting is somewhat similar to oil painting. You can do wet-on-wet. And there is an allowance to correct mistakes as you paint. The type of drawing I do, though is monochrome, is less forgiving. And I have to be very certain of the order of layering. My wife has this desire to add colors to my drawings. Perhaps one day, I will give in. For now, I still prefer black and white.

Towards the end of the drawing session, I said to my wife, “Why spent so much time watching watercolor videos when you could spend the time drawing instead?” I mean, she has the watercolor equipment and papers. To that, she replied, “Action faking psychology”. I Googled and it says, “Action faking is all the stuff we do that makes us feel good about our progress without actually making any meaningful progress.”

Aha.

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Operate Within Your Constraints And I Guarantee You That You’ll Be Happy Today

I have learned this when I first picked up photography. It was a life lesson I wish I had sooner. It is different from ‘be contented and be happy‘. That is reactive. This is proactive.

Our life is defined by constraints. Operate within them, you’ll be happy. Operate outside them, you’d feel unfulfilled.

Take photography as an example. Every camera, every piece of equipment, no matter how good they are, there are limitations beyond which, it won’t do. The camera body dictates the image resolution (amongst other things). Your printed photos may look great up to a certain size, like A3. But they won’t look good if you are to enlarge it and cover part of a building. You may need a very good sensor. Or film camera to get that done.

Your lens may have an f-stop to enable you handheld, take a still picture at night, and still look good. But to have higher quality, you would need a tripod. At times, even a tripod won’t do such as photographing animals at night. That would be a combination of a camera body, an f-stop or even vibration reduction telephoto lens, and a monopod.

You may have a telephoto lens that allows you to take great animal pictures during daylight. But that lens won’t do if you want to take sports photos or cosmic pictures.

It is to know the limitation of the camera body and the lens and the external conditions in order to take great photographs. Photographs that you are happy with. Don’t take pictures that beyond what your equipment can do. And it is always about compromise or balancing between different constraints (e.g. lower the quality for sharpness). Actively pursuing that and working within the boundaries of your limitation creates great photographs. Everyone can take great photos with what we have, even with a phone. Try to take photos beyond what our equipment can do stops us from taking photos.

Similar to life, we have constraints and tradeoffs. We cannot have everything. Yes, we could ponder upon the what-ifs. But this is the moment. Today is the day. Time moves forward and we live for today. If we can proactively live our life within the limitations we have, making the best out of what we have – and if we can do that, I believe, is how happiness is attained.

First step is, know your constraints. Second step is, tradeoff wisely.

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Diary

Wounded Heart and the Incommunicado – A Doodle

I often joked with my younger friends and said, “Had I born into this era, my dating life would have been so different.” As in, with dating apps, I don’t think I would get married so early.

It’s a joke. As in, I am not born into this era.

But what if?

That would be a topic for another day. Meanwhile, I cannot help but think, heartbreaks in this era must suck way more than my era.

Titled as Wounded Heart and the Incommunicado

With instant messaging and all, I have no idea how people these days cope with heartbreaks. Say, you are trying to reach him or her. But you just can’t. Every message you receive throughout the day – which is a lot thanks to how connected we now are – would basically be a disappointment. Why isn’t the message come from him or her? And you can’t stop this thought whereby, the next message could be from him or her.

Back to this drawing, and I must say it once again. Drawing to me is therapeutic. It calms my mind. I like this particular one a lot. It took me close to four hours to conceptualize and complete the drawing, which is way longer than the previous ones. To complete this drawing on the same day (inspiration comes and goes), I had to rush to Art Friend and buy a set of replacement pens because mine went dry. I have also derived a special technical – unfortunately, you can’t see here – to ‘hang’ the objects onto a set of pre-determined frames. It was an experiment and I like how it turns out.

In the center, is a heart. Punctured by a spear and through it, the telephone coil is cut. Incommunicado at its most straightforward interpretation is one is unable to reach another on the phone. In this drawing, there is another meaning whereby the two could be separated (think life and death) and they just can’t talk to each other.

Layered on top of the heart are roses and thorns. So yes, there is a theme of love here (again, love in many forms). There is blood gushing out from the heart but what’s up there? Raindrops? Or tears? That’s for you to decide.

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MAGO and the Wild, Wild Ukulele – A Doodle

Today is a really happy day for me, to be rekindled with my passion ”¦ and music. Y wanted to get a Ukulele so that during her quarantine in Malaysia, she has something to do. I did not know anything about Ukulele. But it is a form of guitar, with chords albeit totally different from the guitar chords, these are chords that are meant to be strummed, or plucked.

I love music. I love musical instruments. And I always challenge myself to play an instrument different from what I am accustomed to.

Ukulele is different from classical guitar. First, Ukulele has 4 strings instead of 5. Second, the open chords are GCEA instead of EADGBE (Every Angry Dog Got a Bone to Eat) and hence, tuning is different. The chords are entirely different too. Third, the size. But regardless, Ukulele is still a string instrument. You play the chords and you strum.

Titled as MAGO and the Wild, Wild Ukulele

I did not know how to play the Ukulele. So I have done some research on the Internet and have decided to test a Ukulele with Jason Mraz’s I am Yours. The chords are pretty straightforward. Just C-G-Am-F. And the Ibanez Ukulele that has finally got my recommendation at Swee Lee has this warm tone (due to dark nylon strings and Mahogany wood) and full-body sound (due to its shape) that I have fallen in love with. It is an entry-level Ukulele for Y is a beginner. If I were to get one – since I am an experienced guitar player – I may give Martin C1K Concert Ukulele a try. I may even be tempted by the 2K Concert edition.

On a totally separate topic and is related to this doodle, my favorite K-pop girl group GFRIEND has recently released a new song called MAGO. This retro-style disco-dancing song could well be my favorite of all theirs thus far. The dance is not overwhelming, yet delivered with class.

If you have watched the MAGO video, add that to the Ukulele and the four chords, that is the doodle of the day folks.

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Diary

When Happiness & Sadness Collide (Alt. Title Bitter-sweet) – A Doodle

I want to articulate a person torn between happiness and sadness, in a cycle of one side feeding onto another. I thought of fish out of water. One time, I read about this on the Internet, or it could have been from a scientific magazine. Fish feel the pain too. When they are pulled out of the sea. Even for that brief moment. That gasp for water but it is air instead. It is like submerging a human’s head into the water, that gasp for air but it is water instead.

Titled as When Happiness & Sadness collide

So fish denotes the pain while the cats feed onto the fish and stay merry. A face with two sides. On the left, the sadness; on the right, the opposite (note: try covering each side and observe, it is rather fun). The stormy weather and the flood on the left versus the sunshine and life on the right. That contrast I want to bring, the polar opposite that co-exists. The ironic symbiosis between the two different emotions. The struggle and the torn so intense.

When I shared this drawing with N who is an artist in her own right, whose birthday is tomorrow, before I even explained the concept, her immediate response was, “Bitter-sweet”.

I think she got it.

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On a Day of Weariness

Today is one of those days whereby I have simply lost interest in everything. It is not a mood swing. I mean, yesterday was a very happy day. I had some really good phone calls. I teared a bit when speaking with my mom, whom I have not called for a very long time. I did not call after my dad’s heart-related operation. At some point, I was fed up with my dad. According to mom, after the operation, the nurse said to my dad, “Now you have a new heart (note: more like new lease of life because not all Cantonese phrases can be taken literally), start anew and treat the people around you nicely.” One fine day, my dad took the nurse’s advice and thanked my mom for looking after him telling her that the meal that she cooked was good.

Oh. My. God.

That was just shocking. So un-dad-like. So yes, near-death experience does change people. I just hope that people don’t need to go through that just to change. At that moment of hearing the story on the phone, I dropped a tear or two. Happy tears. Mom being mom – true to Hong Kong culture – dramatized the whole operation. According to her – and I am pretty sure she wasn’t there to witness the operation – when the doctor made a cut into my dad’s artery, with blood shooting out everywhere and onto the doctor’s coat, the doctor only had a few second to complete the operation and close the wound.

Wow. So dramatic!

Yesterday was a happy day. Dancing to TWICE’s I Can’t Stop Me, which is incredibly hard. Having some discounted Sauvignon Blanc from NTUC – a night of volume over quality, which wasn’t that bad (of course not as good as the French wine I have). Played some music, which was probably one of my better performance in recent days. I was satisfied.

All in all, yesterday was a happy day speaking on the phone at the balcony watching the moon hanging on a cloudy sky while enjoying the cool breeze of a November evening in Singapore.

Today is not like I am sad or unhappy. Just general loss of interest in things. I have tried very hard to put on a happy face at work, which is part of my job because I realize that my mood does affect people and stakeholders around me in a rather profound way. That must have zapped all my energy. I tried to watch TV and there was nothing interesting. I tried to play music but my performance wasn’t even close to what I had yesterday. Tonight dinner is a repeat of yesterday. US election was kind of interesting at the start of the day. But now, it has become a waiting game. I stared at my phone. The right message hasn’t come through yet.

I wanted to doodle. I thought of a title thanks to a recent life event, “No King Reigns Forever”. Then I contemplated swapping ‘king’ with ‘ruler’ to be gender-neutral (on my mind, the viewer will not be able to tell anyway). Afterward, I thought, why not do a “No Queen Reigns Forever” as I wanted to write an associated story. I have the concept of a young and beautiful Queen gradually losing her physical and mental abilities but her knights still wanted her to reign because … [note: I don’t know yet]. To maintain a functional Queen – at least in the eyes of the people when they occasionally see her, the knights have to … [note: I also don’t know this part yet]. And then there is a cool ending. Or rather, I must have a cool ending, in which I don’t know what it is yet.

Since I still haven’t got the inspiration for writing the story, I returned to the conceptualization of the doodle. A non-functioning Queen at her throne with a bowing head, one hand holding a scepter, and one foot stepping out of reality hanging onto her last breath of life. But what should be the illusion that sustains her vitals?

I. Don’t. Know. Yet.

Such is the journey of art, on a day of weariness.

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Passion Revived – A Doodle

At times, a relationship may seemingly look dead. Perhaps it is a process that happens over a long time. Or all of a sudden, he or she may say, let’s not see each other again. Other life priorities may have taken over. A variable added to the equation.

And etc.

A doodle called “Passion Revived”

All it takes is for one event to happen or a decision to be made. Like a phoenix that rises from ashes, it burns the status quo. But that also allows life to be spawned. The old turn into ashes. The new, reborn.

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Dreams So Relentless Like Horses Racing Across a Field

What a bizarre evening!

In the past week, I have been waking up in the middle of the night, unable to go back to sleep, and only dozed off as the sun rose. Coffee in the morning can help to stay awake. Wine in the evening can help to relax. But it gets tiring.

Last night, perhaps I went to sleep slightly happier. Or it could also due to the pink noise played through my Sonos speaker. Instead of waking up with eyes wide opened, I have a lot of intermittent sleeping cycles. Each comes with a dream. I tried to count each time I woke up. Around 10 dreams.

Now, I can’t remember all the dreams I had last night. Each was short, like a clip taken from a TV drama. All the characters came from people whom I know from work. That reminds me, a while back, I dreamed of a project outing to a holiday island. My team was there. My project accountable executive was also there in his colorful summer and beach attire (with a hat!). I was sharing an apartment with a few others. We toured the island, did group activities during the day. At night, I met a few of them and watched fireworks. The dream was so vivid that I still remember a lot of the details today.

So back to last evening, the dreams were bizarre because first, the same person, she appears in almost all the clips; and second, some clips actually refer to the previous clips! It is unusual to have dreams telling a similar or cohesive story and as one wakes up in between. When was the last time you woke up from a dream, remembered your dream, returned to your sleep, and continue your dream from where it left off?!

I am not a scientist who specialized in analyzing dreams. From my extensive dreaming experience, most of the time, dreams are made of fragments of our physical and emotional experience, including our fear and desire, from what we see and what we perceive. I am not entirely convinced that dreams can be prophetic in nature. But never say never, I guess.

Quite a few of the clips last night happened in Sentosa. Now, truth be told, that place looked nothing like Sentosa. It was more like a much quieter version of Hong Kong Repulse Bay (triggered by the upcoming SG-HK travel bubble?) mashed with a bit of Kent Ridge Guild House (recently had dinner with friends there). Beautiful oceans, on an elevated hill, overseeing a setting sun. Dinner. A walk around the island. Always with the same person with a blue dress. I was happy.

The last clip, though, was disturbing.

It was in an office with a very posh and spacious lobby. Natural light floods from the surrounding ground to ceiling glasses. Very much like a Korean drama.

Everything was white in color. Even the long bench that I was supposed to sharing a temporary working space with two others from work.

I was in the washroom doing my business. One female colleague opened the door ajar, peeped in, and asked if I have seen so-and-so. I looked around and couldn’t see anyone.

Then, we heard a voice. One cubicle door opened! The female colleague entered and I saw this male colleague of mine changing with just a long T-shirt on, strategically covering his private parts.

How could I possible dream such dream?!

Then I remember, last evening as I was chatting with my friend N, she collects figurines. They are called the Sonny Angels. Please. Don’t. Judge.

Irresistibly Cute (don’t judge!)
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Unconcious Restlessness

I haven’t met S for a long time, even way before the whole Covid-19 lockdown. We have known each other for 15 years. She is someone whom I can talk with, on anything and everything. Likewise. I to her.

I have tried to reach out to her for ages. But she has been busy with her career and Covid-19 turns her into a hermit, which doesn’t help. One fine day, she asked if we could meet up for lunch. With remote working, it is hard to meet people during lunch. Traveling to meet. The endless meetings. I hardly have time to eat in peace these days. How to find time to meet people during lunch?

So I proposed dinner. Since we live near to each other, I suggested Wine Connection at Robertson Quay. She counter-suggested Tiong Bahru Merci Marcel, a French restaurant that she hasn’t visited for a long time.

Sure! Merci Marcel is within walking distance from my home.

We opened a bottle of red wine. S was surprised that I drink (more so because we rarely meet for dinner and look, I don’t drink during lunch hours at work). Uh-huh. The dinner was really good. The wine collection, more to the expensive end, is varied and interesting. I would definitely revisit.

So we chatted. I enjoy chatting. Her dad recently passed away. I felt sad for her. She cried a little. My heart ached a little. I envy how her parents were used to be so loving together, all the way till old age. I wish my parents have such a blessed happy marriage.

I am someone who excels at compartmentalizing my life. There is work. And there is life. There is this vast majority of space I share with my wife. And there is this space of mine. I have different types of friends whom I can talk with, in different compartments of my life.

Unconscious restlessness, she said to me.

The great thing about chatting – at least to me – is that it is liberating. I am a man, yes. But deep inside, I am feminine. We don’t need to solve every jigsaw puzzle in life. We talk. We listen. The entire process may not solve anything. But it is liberating. We feel better afterward.

After dinner, S called a cab. And I saw her off. I have this weird feeling whereby, what if this was the last time we meet? After all, people drift away from each other. Just when she stepped into the cab – an image forever burned into my mind, there was lightning and thunder. Rain would soon come and I still needed to walk home.

Fortunately, I reached home right before the sky poured. This time, I am not drenched.

On a separate note, one good friend of mine at work – J – is retrenched. I feel for her. I know her boss well too. I said to her, I reckon it wasn’t easy for her boss too, to make that decision (I have made those decisions in the past and decisions in the past had also been made onto me). In the end, it is business. Work is work. J is the least experienced in her team. I can understand why her boss has to make that decision, despite how close they are at work.

It is business.

Compartmentalize things in life makes life easier.

We talked. And she confessed that she is not really good at her job, as yet. I said to her, find your strengths at work and work on that. Don’t waste time doing things you are not good at.

Good thing though, because J is a Singaporean. She enters a program whereby our company will place her into another part of the organization for reskilling for one year. If J is unable to find another role during that period, she will be retrenched for good.

Today, her boss called and wanted to extend her for another month.

W. T. H.?!

She felt obliged to be extended. I was like, look J, the team doesn’t want you. There is no future in what you do. Quickly find a new role and build your network. Use the time and find yourself another job!

I never look back on those who abandon me. Or those who don’t want me no more.

Never.

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A Tow Truck

I hope in life, everything is as simple as calling a tow truck. I hope in life, money fixes everything. Unfortunately, they don’t. But in the context of my car, they do.

Seeing a tow truck in action – the first time for me – was quite an experience in a good way.

Yesterday, I wanted to visit Art Friends at Bras Basah Complex and buy a pen to doodle. I still have A3 papers, though they turn somewhat yellow after years of not doodling. It doesn’t bother me. Because even when I paint on brand new white papers, years later, they will turn yellow. Time leaves marks. To papers, and to hearts.

When my wife and I got into our car, it could not start. Oh great. This week sucks. And this adds to a list of bad news that actually looks pretty good okay on its own. Because (1) we live near town and can take public transport and (2) the first paragraph of this blog entry.

I was and still am in fact pretty chill about a malfunctioning car sitting in the carpark of our condo. We hardly drive. This morning, I emailed Mazda with a short video clip on how I could not start the car.

They called and told me that very likely, it was due to a battery issue. Mazda then referred me to a third party for help. I called the third party and was given two options (because I asked for it, job hazard). Option one, pay $60 for a mechanic to jump start my car and if that doesn’t work, call a tow truck (with extra cost). Or option two, pay $80 for a tow truck straight the way.

Or option three, I call one of my subordinates at work to help me jump start my car after work because (1) I have the cables and (2) I know how because I have helped others before. But I chose not to abuse my power (kekeke). Do I want to gamble on option one, still have to drive to the service center, go through the paperwork, and take a cab home? Or pay an extra $20 to save some time?

Money does fix something. And while we were at it, why not do a car servicing as well since my car is due for one?

The tow truck came and I recorded the entire episode on video, waved at the driver multiple times with my big smile (I was actually happy at those moments, which was welcoming).

Hours later, the service center called me and informed me that the battery was weak caused by the extremely low millage. Apparently, I need to drive at least 30 minutes for the alternator to charge the battery.

The challenge is, most of my return trips are less than 30 minutes. And we hardly drive. The question would then be: why do we still need a car?

Why do we want anything in life anyway?

Late afternoon, the service center called and informed me that my car was still on the queue for car wash. This might take some time. My reply was that it is really no hurry. Let’s do that tomorrow instead.