On This Day I Fell

Okay, how shall I confess?

To confess the wrongdoing of my heart or the wrongdoing of my soul?

I have just followed my heart and that is what I end up with.  Knowing that CC has a devoted boyfriend, going to see her very soon, how could I end up in …

Knowing that this well is so deep that a step forward will end up dead at the bottom, why would I just fall in love, like that again?

Must be – using one pain to cover another one.

On This Day We Watched TV

This weekend, I have spent a lot of time with CC.  I feel myself strongly attractive to her.  But she has a very devoted boyfriend and I shall never even think about that at all.

Saturday night, she stayed at my apartment and watched TV together.  We chatted quite a lot and … what a pity.  Must be from the complex family background.

So She is Pretty

Okay, time to get settle down a bit.  Work is as usual – boring.  Jakarta does not seem that interesting so far.  Maybe we haven’t explored the disco yet.

Tonight, finally tonight, yes, we got out of our area and took a taxi to somewhere else.  I took Alex’s advise and went to “Green Pub”.  In fact, it is Mexican food.  Okay.  Live band I like it.  But it was a bit too loud.

CC is kind of pretty.  But she has a boyfriend.  Although she told us that it gets a bit boring (the relationship), I shall never even think of being the cause of a heartbreak of somebody else.  I know how it feels.  Tough luck, otherwise could have been quite nice.

Don’t Give Up?

Ah, how shall I begin this month.

Imprisonment?  Face my own devil?  Decision to make?  Welcome the pain and endure the torture?  Hell fire for all the sins I have committed?  Regrets?  Drastic change of reality?

“Don’t give up”, that is the song I have been long to listen to when I was in Paris.  Funny that JP did not take this Peter Gabriel’s “So” CD.  Was it all destinated?

Oh, Lord, I wish I am stronger.  Strong enough to endure all the punishments.  Strong enough to move on.

Went out with Annie tonight.  Had a drink and showed her the photos.  Had a dinner and gave her the present.  Had a movie “The Saint” as well.

I just have to face it.  Been thinking about whether I shall see her again.  To see her, I will repeat what I have done wrongly during my fourth year.  I will beg for her love again and how long can I stretch?

All the wrongs I have done cannot be undone.  How can love turn so badly?  Where has all our passion gone to?

It could have turned out the other way.  It could have turned out so differently.  It was my first love.  Human bounds to make mistake especially when they are having their first go.  Annie may be right.  I need somebody who is independent, who will still be mine when I am far away.  Wasn’t it JP’s idea not to see each other so often?  But she never wanted to see me at the airport.  Now, that is not love.  THAT IS NOT LOVE!

I believe that I have done my part in trying to remedy the situation.  Am I not a decent person?  Am I really that ugly and unattractive to be fond of.  Somebody please answer me.