This, Is the End

End of May.  End of the project.  End of my stay in Paris.  In this two days, I have realised something.

“Almost nothing lasts forever.  But the end of something always marks the beginning of something else.  For better or for worst?  Who can tell?  That is when optimism and pessimism come into the picture.  How about neutralism? ” – Cycles, Me.

Today, My AC mates in BNP held a farewell party for me.  Dining in a very nice restaurant.  And we have 11 of us.  Janice was there as well.  Karin thinks that I am a gentleman but I told her that I am just trying to be.

I Hate Goodbye

Farewell party.  I have invited 25 people and it was pretty crowded.  Sophie and they all have bought me some presents.  A pair of “waist cuff”, one brace and Mylene Farmer LD.  And of course, one card full of writings from the 7th floor.  I shall miss them all.  Very much so.  I hate “Goodbye”.

And then, we went to a Brazilian Restaurant and had a great time.

My emotion is so intense and I really don’t know what to write anymore.

I will miss Paris.

Stripped, Shattered

I had nightmare again.  Too many nightmare nowadays.  Car crash, arrested by Chinese government, bullets in my legs, sick surgeon.  I really can’t stand it.

The whole weekend alone.  Mohamed didn’t call as promised.  So lonely and my mind was set to JP again.  What is love?  What is hate?  To love is to hate.  To hate is to love.  Do I still love her?  But it is not love anymore if it is one-sided.  So cruel of her to leave me alone here in Paris suffering the heartbreak.  How can she?  For we have been in love for four years.  From time to time, I dream that she will be there when I return to Singapore.  But why should I dream that for it has already been to late.  Far too late for any remedy to take place.  God doesn’t help me at all.  Time heal?  It isn’t true.  Not true at all.  I still feel the very pain even after 2 months.

I am yearning for everlasting true love.

Went to WH Smiths and bought the book “Hamlet”.  Published by Oxford University Press of course.  Watched the move “Michael Collin”.  A tragedy.  Too many tragedies nowadays.  Had a Mexican meal in the cold.  What else should I have done for my last weekend in Paris (this mission)?

I miss her so dearly.  It is just not fair to the way it turns out.  Why she dumped me?  What’s wrong with me?  And she is so happy.  Yes, so happy without my presence.  Shall I be happy for her for shall I be sad for myself.  All my grief and sorrow and nothing can ever mend this broken heart of mine.

Life is so unfair.  Life is so unpredictable.  And she striped me down to nothing.  Shatter my dreams, shatter my future, shatter all my hopes and leave me homeless in this foreign land, in Singapore.  Striped away all the joy I was used to have.

Shall I welcome my next stage of life?

In the End, Hamlet Died

Got up quite late and went to my favourite cinema and bought a ticket for the show “Hamlet”.  Dashed to my favourite restaurant (Japanese) and they opened it earlier especially for me.

Arrived just on time for the show and got a really lousy seat.  Anyway it wasn’t that bad.  Knowing the show would last for four hours, I came well mentally prepared.

A very good show indeed.  The third Shakespeare show.  And why do they always want to produce a tragic piece?  I have no idea.  In the end, Hamlet died.

I Hate Parting

They are going to organize a farewell party for me.  How nice!  On Monday, Michel, Noubi and Laurent will leave for Cairo and will not be seeing them in the near future.  From time to time, I do feel quite emotional towards it.

I hate parting.

And towards the end of the night, Michel has invited me to dine with him and his wife in the same Chinese restaurant again.  As I have nothing planned, it was really very nice of them.  We played “Black Maria “ till 2 am.  I lost the first game.  And made three continuous mistake in the second game, hence lost.  But it was really funny.  Something like this. Merela first wanted to “take all” but I stopped her with a big sacrifice.  Subsequently, she wanted to “take all” again and I managed to stop her.  But the sad thing was I took the spade of queen by mistake.  In the third try, I did not stop her but I could have done so.

But as for the last game, I won by mile!  And Michel lost.

Really sad that I have to part with Merela and God knows when I will be seeing her again.  Really sad.

I Wish I Could Record the Best Scenes of My Life

Spent more than half a day in drafting the final status report.  Feel a bit of void right now.  You see, really void.  I will miss my clients and the project itself.

And of course, I will miss Paris.

The Spanish food tonight was alright.  A bit far away (beyond Chatelet).  Funny that tonight during dinner time, I thought of JP again.  Thought of how nice it would have been if she was with me right now.  That idea sprang up when I was thinking of whether I should order some dessert afterwards.  I don’t like dessert but I know she loves it.  She would have love to have some dessert.

Oh, dear old history and so much in pain.

Watched the movie “Beautiful Girls” on pay TV.  Very lovely show and make sure I’ll buy the DVD version later on when DVD gets popular – just like CD.  And I was thinking if in the future, I can “record” some of the best scene and put it into one DVD.  Just like the old days when you record some of your favourite and place them into one tape.  Would have been nice.

My Obsession with Mylene Farmer Continues

Claude has finally left for Cairo and I took over his desk.  Just too relax nowadays.

My long awaiting Mylene Farmer Live album has finally arrived.  Just tell you how much I obsess with it.  Went to Rue Montmatre wanted to dine at TGIF.  Instead, I walked into a record store, Extrapole, and discovered this beautiful album.  As I always buy CD from FNAC (for tax return purposes), I travel all the way to Chatelet and found that I was five minutes late.  Knowing that the FNAC in La Defense closed at eight, I rushed back to La Defense and walked into FNAC five minutes before it was closed.

Quite an exciting and interesting day for me.

Am I Getting Fed Up Living in Paris?

Can’t believe that I have watched “The Fifth Element” again.  This time was with Aurore.  We went for diner (hippo) and throughout the night, I have thoroughly enjoyed it.  She is a good company and has a lot of interesting stories regarding on all her missions.

Edwin really liked my message “One Simple Day” just like my last McDonald’s story long time ago.  Great guy, he is.

Claude is going off tomorrow morning at 11 and most likely, will not be seeing him in the near future.

Just eight more man-days and one more weekend in Paris.  When people asked me whether I got fed up with Paris or will I miss Paris and so on, I really don’t know.  I have nothing to look forward to but on the other hand, I welcome some varieties in life.  Therefore, I remain as neutral.  As I have said before, each time I come to Paris, I carry back some different memories.  This time will not be exceptional.