This, Is the End

End of May.  End of the project.  End of my stay in Paris.  In this two days, I have realised something.

“Almost nothing lasts forever.  But the end of something always marks the beginning of something else.  For better or for worst?  Who can tell?  That is when optimism and pessimism come into the picture.  How about neutralism? ” – Cycles, Me.

Today, My AC mates in BNP held a farewell party for me.  Dining in a very nice restaurant.  And we have 11 of us.  Janice was there as well.  Karin thinks that I am a gentleman but I told her that I am just trying to be.

I Hate Goodbye

Farewell party.  I have invited 25 people and it was pretty crowded.  Sophie and they all have bought me some presents.  A pair of “waist cuff”, one brace and Mylene Farmer LD.  And of course, one card full of writings from the 7th floor.  I shall miss them all.  Very much so.  I hate “Goodbye”.

And then, we went to a Brazilian Restaurant and had a great time.

My emotion is so intense and I really don’t know what to write anymore.

I will miss Paris.

Stripped, Shattered

I had nightmare again.  Too many nightmare nowadays.  Car crash, arrested by Chinese government, bullets in my legs, sick surgeon.  I really can’t stand it.

The whole weekend alone.  Mohamed didn’t call as promised.  So lonely and my mind was set to JP again.  What is love?  What is hate?  To love is to hate.  To hate is to love.  Do I still love her?  But it is not love anymore if it is one-sided.  So cruel of her to leave me alone here in Paris suffering the heartbreak.  How can she?  For we have been in love for four years.  From time to time, I dream that she will be there when I return to Singapore.  But why should I dream that for it has already been to late.  Far too late for any remedy to take place.  God doesn’t help me at all.  Time heal?  It isn’t true.  Not true at all.  I still feel the very pain even after 2 months.

I am yearning for everlasting true love.

Went to WH Smiths and bought the book “Hamlet”.  Published by Oxford University Press of course.  Watched the move “Michael Collin”.  A tragedy.  Too many tragedies nowadays.  Had a Mexican meal in the cold.  What else should I have done for my last weekend in Paris (this mission)?

I miss her so dearly.  It is just not fair to the way it turns out.  Why she dumped me?  What’s wrong with me?  And she is so happy.  Yes, so happy without my presence.  Shall I be happy for her for shall I be sad for myself.  All my grief and sorrow and nothing can ever mend this broken heart of mine.

Life is so unfair.  Life is so unpredictable.  And she striped me down to nothing.  Shatter my dreams, shatter my future, shatter all my hopes and leave me homeless in this foreign land, in Singapore.  Striped away all the joy I was used to have.

Shall I welcome my next stage of life?