Condo Bulletin: The Animal Edition

Cats on our condo bulletin

I begin to think that our estate manager writes our condo bulletin with a monthly theme in mind.  Last month was the sex edition.  We have maids caught offering sex services to the workers and guards.  And we have couples caught making out inside the swimming pools.  This month is the animal edition.  I have begun to like our estate manager already.  He should be a blogger.

Normally, Cynthia wouldn’t even bother to read our condo’s bulletin.  But this month, both of us were devouring the bulletin with such high anticipation.  I thought last month’s sex edition was a one-off.  Turns out, this month’s edition is as educational as ever.

Text excerpt of the above: “Many stray cats were seen in the estate … Attempt to catch these cats are futile even with borrowed traps from the AVA.  The Management is now engaging an expert to catch these cats … If any resident could assist in catching the cats, we would be very happy and appreciated …”

First, I had no idea that the Agri-Food & Veterinary Authority lends out cat traps.  Second, I had no idea there is such a thing as a cat trap.  I have seen a rat trap.  I wonder what a cat trap looks like.  Third, there is a profession called a cat catcher?  That is amazing.  Personally I am neutral towards stray cats.  But I think if our drummer Wieke was to read this, she would go mad.

All about dogs, in our condo

I don’t think keeping a dog as a pet in a condo is fair to the dog, and to the neighbors.  At times, the incessant barking of a dog drives me mad.  Give that dog a bone please!  Someone, just anyone.  Dogs should live in a sound proof room.  Period.

Ever since I have met my parents’ dog in Hong Kong, my perspective has somewhat changed.  But like how we view screaming babies and etc., my noisy dog is adorable; your noisy dog is not.  Besides, I think dogs should be given the space to run around.  Eat all they like.  And mate when they like.

When I read the bulletin under the dog section, my feeling was mixed.  Text excerpt as such: “… a young child was playing at a lift lobby when a pet toy dog … chased after the child.  The child was so frightened that he could not cry out.  He was later taken to a doctor … All dogs are required to be on leash … failure to do so can result in a fine of up to S$200 or revocation of the dog licence, or both.”

I had no idea that there is such a thing called a dog licence.  I wonder if people need to pay for one here in Singapore.  A pet toy dog doesn’t sound that fearsome.  But then again, it is usually the tiny dog that makes the most noise.  Would someone actually bring their child to see a doctor because the kid is … frightened beyond words?  Maybe he was seriously frightened.  I have no clue.  I wonder what would the doctor prescribe for the kid.  I hope no one get sued because of a pet toy dog.

Fish in our condo

There are many things to be proud of when it comes to our condo.  Our fish pond is certainly one.  If you are to visit my home one day, I would love to take you for a walk inside our garden.  We were used to hear the sound of the frogs from the fish pond, at night.  Such music of the wilderness.  We miss that a lot.  Someone must have purged the frog habitat.

I don’t visit the fish pond often.  But each time I visit, I notice some changes to the fish population – both in variety and in number.  One time, the pond in the shape of little rivers was over populated.  I have not seen that many fish inside a pond in my life before!  Another time, the koi fish were dying because some of our residents released their unwanted koi-unfriendly-fish into the pond.  There were posters everywhere reminding us what kind of fish is harmful to the koi fish.  If I was to design one of those posters, I would simply say: “Got an unwanted fish?  Flush it into the loo please.”  One time, our residents were going crazy in feeding the fish with fish food.  That made the fish grew really fat and big.  So huge that they looked scary.  And now, the fish population has gone down because …

… our residents are feeding them with bread?  Now, I have to admit that I had no knowledge that bread, can kill.

OK.  Thanks for reading.  Stay tuned.  Who knows what Mr. Estate Manager will write for our next bulletin.

Condo Bulletin: The Sex Edition

News #3

Text excerpt in case you can’t read the screenshot: “Residents, please advise your domestic helpers not to fraternize with the guards, cleaners … in the estate.  Of late, a domestic helper was found … at a staircase offering sex service …”

One evening, Cynthia told me that our condo was featured in the local newspaper on how much the residents – past and present – love to stay.  Old condos do have their charm.  And ours comes with a very good management team on top of wide open space and greenery.

At times I wonder how does our condo manager finds the energy to write the bulletin month after month.  Cynthia doesn’t read any of the bulletins.  If not for me, she would chuck them into the bin right next to our mailbox every time she sees one.  As for me, I read each bulletin if I get to them before Cynthia does.  One, I would like to keep abreast of what’s happening in our estate.  Two, Mr. Manager has been writing bulletins non-stop for more than a decade.  What a waste if nobody reads.  I write too, here in this site.  So I can relate.

Item #3 “Scratching of Vehicles” caught my eyes first.  Before the sex related items above and below it does.  In fact, the second item I read was the latest installation of free wi-fi access at our pools.  Finally.

Back to item #3, one resident got his car scratched twice, in the dark.  And he deduced that it was the same parking lot when that happened.  Maybe someone is not happy that his or her preferred parking lot was taken by another resident.  That is vicious.  Because in our condo, we can park at any available parking lot.  I could be parking at that lot.  Back to the story, an ambush was conducted (!!), with the participation of our security guards I suppose.  But they have failed to catch the culprit.  Therefore, Mr. Manager ends that paragraph with a stern warning instead.

One morning, Cynthia put down the newspaper and said to me, “There have been a lot of corruption cases lately.”  “In Singapore?” I asked.  “Here and everywhere!” she replied.  Times are bad, I gather.  And when times are bad, vices breed.  Maybe that’s why some domestic helpers are offering sex to the construction workers, guards, and other men in our condo.  If I had a domestic helper at home – which I don’t think I would want to – I seriously have no idea how to ask her not to fraternize with the men here.  Wouldn’t I give her the idea instead?!

Item #4

Text excerpt of the above screenshot: “The Management Office received many complaints of young couples doing indecent acts in the swimming pools especially at night … We wish to inform residents that … it is an offence for any one … to cause embarrassment to other[s].”

Cynthia and I were laughing hard after we have read the shocking news on the sex life of some of our condo’s domestic helpers.  We were in tears when we read some of the younger couples are making out inside the pools.

The pools?!

I reckon there are more than 150 units facing each pool.  Too bad, my unit faces the pool that is next to the guard house.  The action must have happened over at the other pool.  But still, inside a pool?  There are many dark spots in our condo.  I would feel freezing cold inside the pool in wee hours.  Tsk tsk tsk … those hot blooded young couples.  Would I feel embarrassed if I see a couple making out in public?  I don’t know.  Perhaps not.

Maybe Mr. Manager is bored at writing the same sort of bulletin month after month and wanted to do something different.  For what is worth, I am looking forward in reading the next condo bulletin, due to arrive at our mailbox some time this week.