I lost my watch tonight.
What happened to me this year? I have lost my first girlfriend after 4 years of relationship. I now lost my watch which has been with me for 4 years.
At that very moment, I am afraid of losing anything at all. In life, you just cannot take things for granted. What if I lose CC?
Oh God, I just don’t want to think about it.
I need time. I just need time.
Today was probably one of my worst day, or more precisely, this has been my worst week. The sense of rejection everywhere. Just when you thought that losing your girlfriend is bad, it could be worse.
It all began with the day that I called JP up. Knowing that she doesn’t even have to slightest idea to come back to and prefer to stay free having a few boyfriends, I really feel like no aim to live on. To make things worst, I have no place to stay when I eventually return to Singapore. I proposed extension but was “kindly” rejected. My two best friends back in Singapore suggested that I should stay in a motel that will cost me $50 per day. That would be $750 in total for three bloody weeks. Good friends, huh? Very practical friends. I will turn to Colin tomorrow and God know I may be rejected as well. Try to bring forward my HK trip but William told me to come to Jakarta at the beginning of July. Called up my BNP mates on Saturday but no one was around. In the end, they all went and watched “The Fifth Element” without calling me. Called up Mohamed on the Sunday morning but he had something on that night. As always, no one from the BNP team answered me.
Took the initiation and called up the BNP team this evening hoping to find some companies for dinner. Grace they all have French class (and she was surprised that I “miss” them so much) and Mun Chun they all who don’t have French class said that “something going on tonight” and hinted nothing for you. Even my credit card was rejected in one of my favourite restaurant and I have to walk fifteen minutes to get the cash. And of course, the CL ATM machine rejected my DBS card.
What a whole lots of rejections. Just when you think that your life is bad …
Last night I slept very late having online chat with a lot of great guys. Somehow we went into the topic of writing literature, and this UK guy “Dead Calm” and I was talking about Swan Lake (one lady elegant, educated with American culture called Swan). And we wrote a lot of stuffs online. Finally I posted one of my message “Death Marriage” out and some guys even chatted with me privately and asked me who is author and so on. I was so thrill and was really in joy.
Towards the end, I was chatting was an American woman and she suggested to have phone sex today. And I didn’t call.
Therefore, I woke up feeling pretty bad. Logged onto Notes and found that the office rejected my holiday plan (of paying). Even I was worried that I do not possess a valid visa to USA. What a bad day!
One more thing, a very bizarre dream. I dreamt of visiting my ex. I knocked onto the door and found two women inside her room. It was kind of an authentic place. Small room with wooden furniture. A small bed with bed light. A table and a very decent window. It must be evening. I asked for my ex. One of the women asked another one to leave the room and vaguely she (the one who remained in the room) told me that my ex had left and would not want to see me.
Then she told me I can sleep on the right side of the bed while she would talk the left side. And suddenly a drop dead beautiful (white) lady who dressed like an angel came into the room. Talked to me but I hardly remember what she said! All I could remember was she was very pleasant.
And she left the room. My ex walked in. She looked so thin! And she sat down by the bed. I sat next to her and began to chat. And she looked darker as well. I touched her fingers and all a sudden, I found that she was actually me!
And I woke up.
I asked Mohamed and he has no answer for me.
Today I told Mohamed in a very convincing voice: I want to go home. Really, I am tired of being in Paris. I miss JP a lot. Tonight after a dinner at my favorite restaurant, I thought of buying my friends presents (budget FF1,000) and I want to buy JP one too. Oh, I miss her. If only life works out differently.
Didn’t have a good sleep to start with, the day was not as good as it was supposed to by. After all, it was Monday. Sophie’s successor has finally arrived, not at all as attractive as Sophie. Don’t think the New Sophie will be able to move the Technical Team to do whatever she wants.
Really fed up with Willie, he was so slow that I really couldn’t stand him. And he just didn’t like to ask and pretended that he understood every single words I said. I bet he didn’t. And Michel was suffering with my Reversal Advice SIR. He wanted a big SIR, I gave him one. Now, he knows how tough life can be. Ha! But it is fun working with Michel.
Had a phone call with JP. Can’t believe that she doubts my faithfulness. Set aside I doubt hers.
What a lousy day.
And another down day. Work was shit. From knowledge transfer down to ordinary bug fix down to serving the users. Yesterday I was complaining that someone should help me with all the bug fix as part of the knowledge transfer. Today I was complaining that I shouldn’t be doing something that what the technical team should be doing.
And guess what? Yesterday I phoned JP and she was not at home. Her mum joked to me that she was having “fun” outside. I phoned her at the office and her colleague told me that “she is meeting someone”. I phoned her once at home and she was not in at 8 pm. Then I phoned again at 10 pm and she was not in either. So what happened to her? I don’t know. But one thing for sure is that I am feeling damn shit.
And with all these shit, I decided to quite smoking. I was a tough experience once again. I was struggling throughout the whole afternoon as I couldn’t find JP. But I didn’t give in. It is a tough battle and I am fighting for my life! I have always a great survivor and I have decided firmly that I have to quit this bad habit once and for all.
Only one thing that made me happy tonight was that they have changed the Pay TV program. And I watched “Phenomenon”. That made me cried. Remember “George Malley”?
Just a few quotes from the show.
“Would u love me for the rest of my life?
No, you don’t love me for the rest of mine.”
“U came here to die, didn’t u ?”
“Everything is on its way to somewhere.”
“And you have to listen to me now, it’s happening. It’s gonna be okay .. It’s okay .. Goodbye honey.”