Feeling the Blahs

Not a very exciting day.  Work was, as usual, boring.  Trying to do some green books, but there are always a lot of disturbance in the office.  People would just ask you some stupid questions or ask you to do some stupid things or ask you to join him or her for a cup of coffee.  I really wish I could be left alone and quietly do the green books.

Funny that I do not wish to do any VISION related jobs later on in my life.  I have this deep feeling that (although I do not want to admit) too many people has gone ahead of me.  At the end of the day, maybe I have been doing VISION for one and a half years and more, I know nothing about Version 5.  And I have to learn all from start.  I just want to get out.  What I scared of is that I will be asked to maintain all the new systems all over the world.

Wanted to join BCM for a show “The Thing You Do” in the new cinema at Shaw Tower.  Sad to say JP was very tired.  So I ended up spending my Friday night with Sam and his wife.  Somehow the bedroom set that Sam ordered was damaged and has to be manufactured again.  Of course, they will not accept a bedroom set after their marriage day hence they have to choose another set.  In the end, they have found one but Sam did not like the handles and his wife did not like the size of the wardrobe.  She said it was too small.  Anyway, we had a dinner somewhere and I accompanied them to buy a wok in NTUC.

Came home for the show, “A Few Good Man”.  And that is it.  Write some mails and go to sleep.

Of Daylight and Shopping

Yet another show.  This time was with Annie as well.  Bugis Junction.  The show was “Daylight”.  Although BCM has already set a high expectation, I still found it very good.  It was definitely better than the preview clips.

And I have done quite a fair bit of shopping.  JP bought me an expensive tie and I bought myself another one.  And being very bored with the belt that I have been wearing for more than 6 years, I need a new one.  So I bought a Valentino.  I know, I know.  It was quite painfully expensive.

Then I was wandering in Tower Record and could not find any CD that was appetizing.

Looking Back on 1996

As I have promised myself on the last day of 1996, I will review what I have done in the last year. And hopefully, I live a better life in the year 1997.

As I was playing my guitar tonight, singing the song “Nobody Knows”, I remembered my days back in the US.  Indeed, that was one of the happiest moment of year 96, or perhaps my life.  Being influenced by US culture (movies, music, and jeans) for so long, it was the first time I have ever stepped into the land of liberty.  I still remember the excitement in me when I first landed at the San Francisco Airport. The limousines. Everything seemed so different – the roads, the buildings and even the air.

I drove into Chicago so many times and I could not remember how often.  I was with Collin all the time. Great friend to be with.  I still remember we got lost initially all the time and eventually, he directed and I drove.

Three weeks in St. Charles.  I hang out with Collin, Yoshito (Japanese man), Mitzi (Korean lady) and another Australian lady.  Great friends to be with. The drinking parties in my room and the lovely conversation with Collin and the beautiful Mitzi.  Life was good.

Vividly I remembered a pub with a large dance floor, country style.  Collin and I left the party without telling Mitzi, who was too busy dancing with all the guys on the dance floor.  And she was not happy when she knew that.  The next day, before she and her friend flew back to wherever they came from (Australia), we had a conversation by the fireplace.  Some random topics and Collin and I saw them into the bus.

And then, I felt a sense of emptiness.  Suddenly all the friends were gone.  And I was back in Singapore, facing the hot sun.  The whole period in US was like a fairy tale.

Yet, there was another fairy tale – my two trips to Paris.  The first one lasted for 5 days and the second one lasted for 60 days.  The BNP promotion with Francis was fun.  We had great food and since we are not the fuzzy type, we can get along very well.  I showed him Paris whenever we had time.  The other trip was for Societe Generale.  During the first 3 weeks, I had Damien with me.  I miss those days with Francis.

Life in Societe Generale was pretty peaceful.  Work started at 9 in the morning and usually ended at 6 in the evening.  The people there were very nice.  Sad to say, Sophie, Claude and Lionel left for Sydney in the middle of my stay.  But my days with Aurore, Noubi and Mohammed was great.  Especially Mohammed, we called each other brothers.

Weekdays after work, I usually went downtown to have my dinner.  As for weekends, I always started from La Defense and ended up in Paris center at night.  One movie and one meal and back home.  During nighttime, I composed electronic messages that captured my feeling and observations during the day.

The food was good.  The MTV in the morning was good.  The French music was good. By the way, I felt in love with Mylene Farmer.  Her music is just fantastic.

During those days back in Paris, someone thought that I was lonely.  But I was not, I was in another state of mind. If I had my guitar with me, I would have composed a lot of great songs.

Back in Singapore, I am glad that I know Sam as a friend.  He has introduced me into his circle of friends (which is big).  Through him, I know a lot of people.  Although they are all men, I don’t really mind.  All the Wednesday night out, cheap dinner, and Karaoke.

Enough of stating what happened in year 96, but that was not the main topic in here.  What could I have done better, hopefully in year 97 ?

The New Motto: To actively pursue what I want.  I have been too passive.  Not determined enough. Always avoid the reality.  Must face it and direct the future into whatever I dream of.

Action: To plan and stick to it.  I must treat my personal life as yet another project.  To self improve or to exercise?  It must be planned and followed.

Beware : Spend within budget.  I have been spending too much money on things that may not be necessary.  This is no good and must change.  I must keep track on how money is spent and plan for future saving.

Goal: Must list out all the goals I want to fulfill this year.  Thought goals, I will have motivation.

Of Emma and Four Weddings

What a feeling !  Year of 1997.  Got up late in the morning and headed for Bishan Golden Village.  Movie, of course.  I guess in Singapore, either eat or see movie and nothing else better to do.  So, I met up with JP for the show “Emma”.  A very British kind of show.  With heavy British accent.  After the show, went back to her place and watched the TV show, “Four Weddings and a Funeral”.  Yet another very British show.

This year I am going to keep track on how many shows I have watched.

Love Fiction

This, “Love Fiction” has nothing to do with “Pulp Fiction” and it’s my personal observation in the past few days.


Midnight, I was on a train back to the hotel. Sitting in front of me was a French couple. Initially I did not pay attention to them. Usually the French lovers’ impression on me is that when they sit together in a train, they (1) look at each other, then (2) smile and then (3) kiss. The whole process repeats again until the destination is reached.

But this time was different. (1) The man looked at the girl but the girl tried to look somewhere. (2) The girl was about to burst into tears but tried very hard to hold back the tears. (3) The man comforted her and whispered a few words. (4) They hugged each other. And again, the whole process repeated.

After a few stations, the man took out FF20 and a few coins (SGD6) and gave it to the lady. She refused initially but let the man put the money into her pocket.

The first impression to me was that they were going to miss each other and the man had given her with all the cash he had. Unfortunately there is no known ending to this tale as I departed before them. If we actually take in all the observation, it is still very difficult to guess what the real story like.

So with my wild imagination (being affected by movie overdose). (a) The guy has a wife and this girl was his mistress. The mistress realized she would not be seeing him after tonight, hence very sad. (b) The man was a bad guy and he was about to have a duet (fatal one-to-one) with his enemy. So he might not live to see the sunrise. (c) He was a murderer and was currently running away. Hence would not be seeing her for a long while. (d) The girl just got dumped by her boyfriend and the guy happened to be her best friend. (e) The guy actually broke up with this lady, apparently his girlfriend, and he was sending her off the last time.

The love of man, the tears of woman.


One sunny afternoon when I stepped into the hotel, I saw this beautiful dog standing right in front of me. I am not a dog lover but have to admit that she is very beautiful. Very big and sparkling pair of eyes. She was the small type with a body like sausage. Dark brown skin.

At first she was in the hall. Obviously her owner was not around. Then she began to walk out of the entrance. The two porters (one French, another North African), aged around 50, were immediately tensed up. Both of them tried their best to attract her back but she just seemed to be uninterested. They dared not touch her as dogs do bite.

And the dog ran out of the door. All of us (me + 2 porters + 4 tourists) rushed out of the entrance. Then the two porters shouted at each other. I guessed they both asked each other to chase after the dog. You should look into the North African’s (P1) face. He was in total concern and I could see P1 was about to cry. And P2 was just standing there like all of us, did not know what to do. P1, short and fat, ran after the dog (D0). Poor chap. And D0 was about to rush into the main road.

This time, P1 seemed to be able to get the attention of D0 and slowly, P1 guided D0 back to the hotel hall. All of us was in joy.

The love of dogs. As the nature calls.


We can definitely find a formula for world peace at last if we figure this out.

Always, the White hates the Black. That is called discrimination. One day, there was this Black mother carrying her baby (black). There was a White lady siting next to the Black mother showing immense affection and envy toward the baby (black).

At that very moment, I saw the breakage of the wall of discrimination. No color boundary. Why we always love babies no matter what color they are in ? If you loved me 20 years ago, why do you hate me now for I am of a different race ?

The love of baby. World peace, maybe ?


This is a visual experience. Use your imagination.

Once again, I was in a train. The train was at the station and door was opened. Stationary.

Suddenly there was some noise outside the train. Someone walked passed an Indian, who was selling some peanuts, overturned the Indian’s “table”. The “table” was made of paper box and all the packets of peanuts were on the floor.

All the people on the train were very concern, and some were curious.

The whistle was blew and the doors were closed. The train started to move away from the station.

Then I saw another Indian (20 steps from the first Indian) shouting at the guy. Obviously his “store” had been overturned as well.

As the train moved forward, I saw all the people of different color, who were at the station, shouting at the that bad guy.

Finally, I saw that guy. He was a Black walking proudly with head up.

And the train gained it’s speed and it was once again, in total blackness.

What is hatred ? What is love ?