Last night, I spent the whole night packing up for my holiday in North of France, Normandy – Deauville. Nicolas suggested to me two weeks ago and Claude and Nicolas helped me to buy the train ticket and booked the hotel. They are really nice to me.
This morning I woke up at six and ended up sitting in the hotel for an hour waiting for the clock to strike nine (time to work).
When the clock hit five thirty, Willie, Claude and me left the office. I took a SNCF to St. Lazare. And then took a train from St. Lazare to Trouville Deuville. It was a two hour trip. Still remember the first time I took the Inter City in UK. Similar experience. Come to think of it, it was eight years ago. Time passed. Eight years …
Today, everybody in the office felt like Friday, except today was not Friday. It was Wednesday instead. Had a long phone conversation with Grace last night and feel kind of a little bit better. I do need friend. And today, I received one message from Erica (Sam’s wife) and she is ever so positive. I definitely feel a lot better.
Didn’t know that Grace had a 5 years relationship with an Irish. Went to a Jewish restaurant with her and the food was not very impressive. As always, had a very long walk with her. Really lost track of time.
What else? Busy sorting out the bills for the time report.
Do I still think of JP? Yes, from time to time. Sometimes remembering the small details is not pretty. I really miss her. Is it love due to obsession? I think so.
God took a piece of Himself and blend it well with Beauty. For Love shall be the most beautiful angel of His. Like river flows to the ocean, God blessed Love with Eternity. In the daytime, God has given Love the element of Joy. And in the nighttime, He has given her the element of Feeling, Tender and Care. He then brewed His great art in the fire of Passion, breathed her with the breathe of Intelligence and Respect. Fire, water, earth and ether; passion, eternity, beauty, intelligence and respect. Night and day with feeling, tender, care and joy. Love was completed with six elements of nature.
Adversary as he should be, Lucifer created his own version of Love too. He called her Lust. He made her out of Seduction. Eroticism and Obsession, as for the elements of Fire and Water. And he breathed her with Madness. Envy for the morning and Jealousy at night. Lust was too completed with six elements of nature.
I am back again. After a long silence. Yes, I have broken up with JP. And I was (still?) feeling very depressed about this. Oh, love. Francis phoned me the same day just to check I was okay. He phoned at 0630 but I did not mind. At least somebody is care about me. And I received a few emails concerning about me.
This morning, I found that the bracelet that was given by JP was broken into two. I take it as a sign. That is fate.
During this few days, I have watched two movies. “Jerry Maguire” and “The English Patient”. Both films are good. I loved “Jerry Maguire”. That is Tom Cruse and it was so romantic. That is what I need right now. Michel invited me for dinner and I meet with that “Doctor” again. This time we talked about God and soul and life and so on. Weird?
I don’t think JP and I will ever get together again. Just another phase of life. I cannot help feeling depressed but I cannot help but feeling relief as well. Some days I hoped that she will actually come to Paris and meet me and we will be in love again. But I know it is just another dream that I am trying to create and will not work. Sigh.
And I have lost all aim of life. I am not sure what is my next destination. I was thinking of going back to university and do a Ph.D. Why not? Or I shall ask Toby and get me a job in UK. I can do just anything now.
Will I be ever in love in the near future? I just don’t know. Maybe I shall enjoy a moment of alone.
Fire flickers. Candle burns. Full moon and a hint of cloud in the sky. The lake is bathed with the peaceful moonlight. Not even the moon disturbs her. Swans sleep in tranquillity. Little ducks land onto the lake making a thin lines of decoration. Perfect silence. Image of the mountain clearly reflects itself onto this seductive mirror. Losing orientation and let it be. Such a beautiful scene.
Illusion as it shall be. Magic may one calls. Flame of love grows from within the lake. As Love emerges from the fire, standing elegantly on the middle of this magical mirror. A ballad begins to play. Orchestra plays in the dark. Wrap herself with the whitest silk in the universe. And the purest garment that exists. Surround herself by the swans, and the swans turn into a lady one by one. The agents of Love. Pray to the Fire of Love. Pray to the Goddess of Moon.
Fire flickers. Candle burns. And you know how to summon Love, don’t you?