Daydream

Today is definitely a day of daydreaming.  The thought and the possibility of leaving this company to join another one are intoxicating.  In my mind, I have already planned out the entire serious of events: the lunch interview, the negotiation (if any), the drafting of the letter of resignation, the breaking of news to Choong Yong (difficult and personal), the breaking of news to Peng Yong (easy and business), the last four weeks with my beloved project team, and the breaking of news to this team of mine (tears and hugs).  I find it impossible to focus without thinking too far ahead.

This morning, I have come to the realization what I love to do best – to work in an environment full of crisis.  What I then do is to go in, put the house in order, and then go off.  Now that the project is stabilizing and most of the unknowns have been taken off the equation, the project is turning a little bit plain to me.  Probably because I feel much needed when things go wrong.  When the weather is good, I feel redundant.  Therefore, time for me to go into coding, time for me to sharpen up my technical skills.

Physical: -0.27
Emotional: -0.97
Mental: 0.46

Swamped

It has been exactly three weeks which I have not been writing any diary.  Surprising how time flies and how much I have lost touch with my inner self.

So what has happened in this three weeks’ time.  A lot.

In terms of work, it has gone quite okay.  Or more correctly, more bearable.  But in terms of my love life, it is still in a mess.  Last night had a minor argument with CC.  She doubts if she is still the most important person in my world.  And of course she is!  Think about all the sleepless night because of her.  But work really gets in between our relationship.  How sad it is.  I just hope that it will turn better as time goes by.

Edit 2008.05.12: Now that I read this, it is interesting to see how I am just not able to see something that is so obvious right in front of me.

Flying to America

Saturday, woke up early in order to pack up for my US trip.  Stepped out of the hotel after midday and took a taxi to CDG airport.  And there I go, I have to fly again.  Called up my family at the business lounge.  Always nice to talk to family.

The flight was about eight hours.  I still think that Singapore Airline is the best so far.  As for the Air France business class, it was not at all that fantastic.  Kind of a bit disappointed.

Today was pretty cloudy in US.  So not a very nice day indeed.  It was just as depressing as Europe.  The funny thing is that I don’t really feel that much as compare to what I have imagined.  This really puzzled me.  Guess when one travel too frequent, everywhere is just the same.

Colin left me a message and when I knocked onto his room, he was not in.  Kind of disappointed and as I have missed the dinner hour, I have to go to the Social Centre and had my pizza.  By the way, the American beer – Honey Brown – is pretty good.

Left a message in Colin’s room and we met at the Social Centre.  Throughout the night, he was very tired and we didn’t get to talk much.

Feeling kind of lonely.  I miss JP again.

Shame on Me

Shame on me!  Shame on me!

I have completely lost my self-control today.  Apparently, today we were supposed to kick off the Spot Advice SIR but both Mohamed and Claude were busy doing something I don’t know.  But I was very angry.  So I taught Willie everything in one day.  Report Writer, Stored Procedures and so on.  And I return to my evil self towards the end of the day and made Mohamed very very angry.  For that I deeply regret.

Why do I always mess up every relationship?  Why can’t I have a long term friendship.  I thought I start afresh every time I change environment.  But that is not happening.  Am I born to be a loner?  But why?  Why?

Watched a show called ‘Crucible’.  Very dark movie.