Recently, I have been listening to GFriend’s Yuju’s cover of Downtown Baby by Bloo on repeat. It is one of those rare songs (1) with good music, (2) is melancholy, (3) has a beautiful female voice (yes, I am biased), (4) sang by erm a beautiful girl, and (5) … is a song that can put me in a trance. Music that evokes emotion. Deep emotion. I feel alone when listening to it. I feel lonely when listening to it.

Last Friday, it was one of those rare moments when I was on leave and my wife wasn’t. Both of us are working remotely. We share the same workspace – home. She was working. I wasn’t. And it was one of those rare days when I didn’t need to speak. During working days, I talk the entire day, endless meetings. It was refreshing not need to talk. Funny thing though, one colleague at work commented that I talked too much.

Like. I. Wanna.

FFS, I even hate listening to my own voice at work. Things I said at work, either bored people or hurt people’s feeling. Because it is business. Work is just, work.

When I don’t need to speak, I self-reflect, listen to my inner voice. As a migrant to a country I wasn’t born into, left home with very little friends, if not for my wife, I would have been all alone. Making friends after graduation … I mean, making real and true friends at work is almost impossible. Work is an entity. People interact to make a living. Seldom people sacrifice for each other, do things for each other without strings attached. It is always down to, what’s in it for me?

Sure, I have made some friends in our decades of career. Those who stay on, may well be close to none. But that doesn’t stop me from desperately want to reach out, want to believe that it is possible to meet true and real friends at work. Don’t stop trying. When you do, you lose hope.

The most desirable things in life are those you can’t have.

Listening to Yuju’s cover of Downtown Baby, it is as though I am being transported into an alternate reality whereby, I am alone.

My parents live in a different country, whom I seldom contact. My sister lives in the same country like mine, whom I seldom meet. Perhaps this alternate reality is my reality.

Back to the topic of this blog entry, I really wish that this cover music was on Spotify. Putting a song on repeat is so painfully manual on YouTube. I wish that Yuju does more cover, even has her solo career. I love GFriend. But she is the best of all. I wish that I had her vocal skill. I wish …

Like I said, the most desirable things in life are those you can’t have.